I’ve had the worst couple years of my entire life. I’m a rising senior in high school and every year just gets worse and worse. I’ve only made one friend ever since I moved to this awful town, and ever since I met her, I just watched her grow and change and become someone completely different. She has a job, she’s in the top band at our school, gets great grades and gets to go to a prestigious summer program. But me? I’ve been stuck in the past. I can’t do anything right…and I secretly try to follow in her footsteps and do what she does. But I always fail. I hate waking up, I hate going to school. I hate everyone in this town, everyone who’s watched me cry and watched me suffer and hasn’t done anything about it. I wish my friend was there for me…I wish she wasn’t so busy and I wish she’d talk to me often. I’ve always wanted her to be just as pathetic as me…just so I could feel like someone was there for me. But I can’t expect that out of someone. People move on…people grow up. But I’ve struggled to do that. Because I have nothing…I have nobody. And I feel like I’m dying. Right now, I haven’t left bed, haven’t eaten or showered in forever. I’m rotting away…and I feel so much pain in my heart and in all of my bones and muscles. Just sitting up to type this feels hard. I don’t know what to do or what to think. I don’t know why I care so much…but I just want to become numb. I don’t want to be happy…I don’t want to be sad…I don’t want to be angry. I want to feel absolutely nothing. Because it hurts to be alive.