The title of this first blog entry has been something I have said probably a hundred times since last Tuesday. Long story short: there is a situation with my employer & my job is in jeopardy. That is about as specific as I want to (and can) get. It blindsided me. My entire world turned upside down because my life is my career. I worked nearly 8 years to get to this point. I sacrificed, my husband sacrificed, my family sacrificed. I can’t even bring myself to tell my family about it yet. I just pretend everything is fine when they call or text. My husband’s family knows. They were so supportive & amazing. My husband was the one to tell them. I couldn’t even do it because I nearly had a panic attack. My worst fear was that they would be disappointed. Obviously, they weren’t. A few of my close friends know as well. I’ve really taken this time to withdraw from social media & casual friends. For the first time, I am really & truly leaning on those I love. My husband has been my rock. Picking me up when I fall to pieces, wiping my tears, and reminding me with tough love that he’s insanely proud of me. He’s even dealt with me cuddling him to death at night. I’m a very “physical” person when it comes to seeking comfort & love. I like to cuddle, hold hands, sit close, hug, touch, etc. My hubs is kind of the opposite. We learned that fairly quickly in reading The 5 Love Languages book recently. Yet, he’s pushed that aside & given me what I needed. He even took a personal day from work on Friday to stay with me. He barely let me out of his sight, made me laugh all day, and hugged me whenever my mood seemed to dip down. It was the perfect medicine.

Even more perfect medicine was getting to spend a good chunk of Saturday with my adorable, crazy nephew. While my hubs & his father helped out at my mother in law’s shop, my nephew & I had fun. He’s only 5 and just the best. He’s funny, intelligent, crazy, loud, adorable, and ornery. He’s all boy & I adore him.

I hope to know some sort of decision on my future with my employer soon. Maybe the next day or so. I am trying to remain hopeful, but being realistic at the same time. I’m a “hope for the best, prepare for the worst” type person. Actually, if we’re being honest, I’m more of a “have severe panic about the absolute worst outcome & force myself not to overreact” type person. So fun. I’m focusing on this week though. House sitting for my in laws part of the week. Then the hubs and I are babysitting our nephew & 2 nieces Saturday. First time babysitting by ourselves. I’m crazy excited. My husband looked like a deer in headlights when I told him what we would be doing. So, should be interesting to see if he comes out of this alive.

My mantra for the week: Self love & deep breathing.

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