I FEEL LIKE TIME IS RUNNING OUT ON ALL KINDS OF THINGS..on decisions that NEED to be made and need to be made, like, YESTERDAY!….nervous about meeting with Linda–my former counselor at Meramec Community College–to discuss the REMOTE possibility of going back to school(financial concerns: no way I'd ever get a student loan with abysmal credit rating; would be afraid to ask Dad for $afterall, what if I don't succeed? if I quit, ie don't "finish what I started" for the millionth time in my life, thereby end up wasting his money again???) …. Haunted by memories of doing that too many times–especially with the failed Atlanta Project of '99… What if I find there's just no other possible way to get back into school unless I ask for $ from my Dad–and it being extremely unlikely that I will have the nerve to ask him for it, what if that plunges me further into depression/creates a new round of anxiety attacks?…What if the Access Center–the academic support group at the school for students with learning disabilities/ADD, etc. both of which I had/have–no longer has my information on file since it's been more than a few years since I was last enrolled in school, and the only way they would offer me their very helpful services is for me to get a note sent to them by the particular psychiatrist who I was going to at the time but no longer go to anymore, and if I try to ask him to send them the info anyway, what If he won't do it—if he can do it at all–because I still haven't paid all my bills to him???…Much to worry about…this could either be a day that gives me badly needed hope…or one that sends me spiraling into the dreadful depths of hopelessness…

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