My self harm isn’t about being a part of a cult. It doesn’t justify who I am, and isn’t about sanity (or lack of). I’m sick of the common assumption in this day and age that if a teenager SHs, they are just going through a phase. But hey, why shouldn’t I be labeled like this. After all, in so many ways I fit the cut from an outsiders view.
Teenage girl, going through exams. Maybe with a few boy issues or friendship problems. Probably going through some sort of identity crisis and changing diets every week.
But still, I don’t like to be thrown into some category. My reasons are my own, and whilst most self harmers have something in common, maybe even similar stories, I believe that it’s a very individual thing, and stereotyping only makes the whole thing worse.
I thought about it a lot lately. And I came to the conclusion that I don’t want to stop yet. Hell, I’m just not ready to. And now that I am accepting it, I think I am finding it easier to cope with. I’m not kicking myself so much for it later on.
So, today is my birthday. Honestly, I didn’t spend as much of the day mourning Patrick’s death day as much as I should have, and I feel terrible for this. I honestly didn’t get any time to myself, and I really wish I could have gotten to Hobart to his grave but I was too busy with cross country and my mum and people everywhere, and the bus trip is 5 hours to Hobart. There’s no excuse. I feel terrible. I know he would definitely understood. But still!
It was hard trying to be the cheery birthday girl, but I pulled it off and I got through one hell of a day in one piece.