Well – I did not get to write last night since it was such a nice night I enjoyed the weather. Yesterday at work did not go that well at all. I feel like I am on a roller coaster with my boss. Some days I do just the right things, other days I can do nothing right. Some days I am supposed to read her mind about what she wants, other days I have to meet with her about the littlest things. I don’t know which day is which, and it is getting really frustrating.
I recall a recent conversation that she and I had about the reviews I was to right. I swear that she said she wanted me to give one of my associates a 1 (on a scale of 0 – 5). She then said that she wanted me to give another one of my associates a low 2. Yesterday she finally sits down to read the reviews (after she has had them for 2 weeks) and says that I can’t give the one person a 1 without putting him on a performance review plan (and she does not want me to do that). Then – she makes me reschedule (for the second time) the review that I have scheduled with him this morning. She couldn’t stay late because she had to cut her grass. But, she has had the darn things for 2 weeks. I want to get the reviews done and over with, and I didn’t want to reschedule and look like an idiot in my associates eyes. I can’t very well tell him that I have to reschedule and it is her fault. That is not what a good manager does. So – I am frustrated with her today and not very happy. She then said that she would look at them last night and get back with me in the evening. Well sorry – I want to enjoy my evening and have fun with my kids instead of working.
Then – I am sitll having problems sleeping. Today, I was up at 1:30 instead of my normal 2:30. Which is fine because I have some stuff that I need to get done for work -since I have meetings all day that I constantly have to reschedule because of my boss. My therapist does not understand, but getting up at 2:30 actually makes me feel better because I can get some other things done that I need to. I just wish that my husband could get up that early with me so that he could clean his space in the basement – that I constantly have to look at when I am down here working at 2 in the morning.
Who knows what today will bring. Will I have done a good job on the reviews now that she actually read through the whole thing, or will I have failed yet again in her eyes? Will she actually help me to prioritization today or will it be another day or not knowing what my people should be working on – and having them do what I think instead of what she thinks. I either have to find a new job or learn to deal with her a little better. I can’t continue to come home frustrated at night. I need to enjoy my children and my husband.