I couldn't pick a mood, because it feels like my entire heart just fell down into my stomach…
I opened my mail this morning, and there is a message that the ex sent me a message. Via Facebook. At a quarter to six this morning. I have not yet had time to digest the contens, I too shocked after the third sentence to take in any more.
Well, here it is, translated as directly as i could:
"Topic: Dear you…
Just another thing I have to say, if you really mean what you said this weekend.
Have you been decieving me the last 3 1/2 years? If you really had the right feelings at the start and in the relationship, this whould never happen. Then you are lying for me… A pretty bad lie at that.
I've been where you are with the feelings, over a period of ine. Everybody has their downs in a relationship. But because I've had those basic feelings for you, as you say you've had too, I've had some will. The will to work with my feelings, and I found them all again. For us to be together for at very long time. You should not give up easy, like I feel you have done.
I believe your psychiatric ailments are hard on you, to you can't think in new and right directions. Anxiety, guilt etc. over me… This is not how it works. You have several times said I'm not feeling ok, I think what I like, so stop it. You are very good at usin your illness as an excuse for everything. No matter what you say, I believe you've made a big mistake, you have not worked hard enough to make your relationship work. You can do this if you really want to. If you do not have this will, there is something else behind what happened now. Something you did not tell.
You say you don't want to lose me, that you care for me, that you've never been as happy as with me. Just so that you won't misunderstand, I wish nothing more than that we shall be together. I wish to live with you for a long time, and be happy.
So if you never wish to have anything to do with me in a relationship again, I think you should tell me now."
And that's it. Made my heart fall out of my chest, I feel the mental effects all over my body. Hands shaking, arms going all heavy, brain shutting down, feeling sick to my stomach, feeling like I do before I faint.