I am writing this for myself not to get pity from anyone so here goes: I just left my husband after 20 yrs of emotional, mental, and physical abuse and for the past 3 wks he hasn’t done anything but try to drive me crazier all he has done is bad mouth me and try to make me feel guilty for walking off from him and my animals (which is the only reason I still speak to him) I thought that my family was behind me but now I feel like that they don’t want me around even my daddy, and my ex keeps threatening me telling me that he is going to tell everyone about me and bring all my animals to my daddys house knowing that my daddy won’t let me have them here and trying to get me to come back to him (which I would rather die then do) I don’t cry in front of anyone because ive been told all my life that all I want is attention and that is father from the truth, all I want in life is to live my life in peace whether I’m with someone or not , would like to have friends but for some reason that don’t work with me if killing my self wasn’t against what God says is right I would have killed myself along time ago. so to those out there who are having a hard time I say just try to love yourself and try not to worry about what others think (god knows I’m still trying after 48yrs to live by which I have found it very hard to do) I really didn’t ever after 2 previous failed marriages did I ever think I would be sitting here again, maybe it is me, maybe I am that hard to get along with , maybe my mother was right and I should have never been born, I know that God has a purpose for all things he does but I beileive that this is one mistake I wish he would have forgotten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

2 Comments
  1. elf 3 years ago

    Oh, ((((((((((lovesanimals)))))))))), my heart breaks for you. You do have value and worth. Your mother is wrong on two counts: One, you should have been born and Two, she should never have told you that even if she felt that way.

    I’m sure you already know, but abusers try to make it sound like everything is your fault. It isn’t. As hard as it is, stay calm and do not get drawn in to his drama and abuse.

    I understand the feeling of being tired of living. For me it is not that I want to kill myself, but I just do not want to live anymore. I want to cease to exist. That is not unusual for someone who is depressed.

    I pray you can find some way to have your animals as I am sure they bring you joy and remind you of a reason for living: them. Keep coming back for support here and a place to vent.

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  2. Author
    lovesanimals 3 years ago

    thanks for the words of encouragement, as for my mother she recently passed in march but i have no other place to stay right now except for my daddys and even him and my sister(who owns the house my father lives in) my oldest brother just got out of jail about 5 days ago and i haven’t had nothing but problems out of him and my sister since. i thought i would have someone who would help me out till i am able to come up with the money to rent me a place but it looks like that i am on my own just like i always have been since i was a teenager but i guess i was meant to be on my own till i die. God only knows that is how i have always had to live, taking care of myself and not depending on anyone to help . i can’t help but feel like i just want to disappear and never to be heard from again but i really don’t think noone would care or even miss me (except my 2 dogs)

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