Publishing a book should be the most exciting and wonderful time for any author. When I published my first book I was so happy and then it got taken away from me when my own family didn’t show up to my book party. My fears of abandonment came true being screwed over again. Now I’m half way to publishing my third book I’m excited but plagued with bad dreams of that day. My dream was the book was out and a friend took me out to celebrate only to suddenly desert me. When this book comes out I’m much more closed off with family than I was before. I’m only telling people that actually matter and not even going to try to gain support from the rest of the family. I stopped talking to the people who were supposed to show up, the other half is disappointed or not interested in me taking a creative career. My support circle is basically an ink dot. I’ll take that over people lying to me or faking support when they really don’t give a damn. That’s my biggest hurdle this year is that one event that turned my life upside down. You just don’t not show up to something  you’re invited for no reason then act oblivious to what you did. That’s the part that stings of all the things I stood by for only for something like to happen. I wish I could move on from it but it’s something that still burns. Some days I don’t think about it and some days I do. When I do I go over every single detail of what I could have done differently or why I just didn’t cancel the whole thing when I got the gut feeling that something was wrong. Today is one of those days when it’s all I think about.

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