didn't sleep well last night, took me ages to drift off then it was just restless.

hospital went okay, my ears are fine. just me being stupid and always thinking there is something wrong. i was in a sucky mood, felt like crying in the waiting room because somebody was chewing gum really loud.

got home and sat with mum for a bit, its been another lovely day, just wanted to be alone though.

gave up and got in bed to read my book for a while, ending up dosing off and had a 5 hour long nap. i woke up inbetween but decided i can't face anything so to go back to sleep. had an awesome dream about a friend having an airplane though, as usual ending up with me being anxious about being away from home. sleep isn't much of a mental break anymore.

now i feel anxious, majorly down. i have felt really sick since last night. can't even remember the date of my last period, the days and weeks are a blur. i don't know if i'm late, but its definetely on its way because i feel so crap. that or i'm up the duff, but very unlikely due to lack of libido, which is getting me down aswell.

now, two options. get up and do something productive, or pull my duvet round me and watch a film. i still need a good cry, i haven't had one in about a month.

mum keeps saying i've lost loads of weight, now i realise its because of times like this when i don't even care enough to make a peice of toast when i'm so hungry. don't feel like i've lost any though, i still look like absoloute crap. i've stopped putting any effort into my appearance. when i eat, i don't care what i eat.

argh gotta stop moaning, make some toast and a cup of tea and get my fat depressent bottom out of bed!