Two days ago I spent 4 whole hours looking through my hair. I seriously couldn't believe it when I looked up at the clock on my computer and realized that my entire evening had gone and past, and I had accomplished nothing other than to pull out a few strands and make my eyes hurt by chasing away more split ends that I could possibly count. I was discusted with myself. It has been a while that's it's been this bad. I've started going to therapy again because I feel like I am stepping into a new chapter of my life and it is about time that I let this part of my youth go. To tell the truth, it's almost like I don't know what I am without this awful disease. I turned 24 about 6 weeks ago and it kind of hit like a bomb, in the sense that I have been obsessed with my hair since I was 16. Thats is 8 years, 25% of my existense here on earth that I have been affected by this. Why do I do it? I don't know. A few of my close friends are trying to help me through it, asking me what I'm thinking about when I do it, but when I am in the middle of it, I'm only focusing on the hair, nothing else around me. Am I trying to avoid something then? Even in therapy I don't know where it's going. This is the first time I am seeking professional help strickly for this OCD matter, and I came out of the first session feeling confident, energetic, and ready to attack this. Now, not so much. I feel like we're circling around anything and nothing, things I don't need or want to talk about, and she simply asks me at the end of the session: "so how is the hair pulling going?". Really?? Is it just a diversion? Is she trying to seek the root of my obsession? My guess is yes, of course, but I don't get it. She says it's not a matter of "if" I will beat this, it's "when". I just don't see it anymore. Thank you for listening to me vent. I needed it I guess.