So there are some many freakin' things on my mind right now. That one that is the most on my mind is just the most recent one… So I've been struggling with the decision of moving in with my grandpa's… The reason why I was taking it so seriously is because my mother had said that it would be fine if that's what I wanted not even a couple months ago… So it was brought up today and she said that she would notwillingly let me move out until I was 18…. Like WTF?! She claims she was bsing but that's even fing worst! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE THERE!!! She basically knows this. And yet she's going to stand there and tell me that even though she said I could, I can't! Not only that but she left home before she was 18… My older sister left home before she was 18… Like seriously!! I know legally I can't do crap but this is just unfair! I should not have to be miserable my whole childhood while desperately waiting to turn 18! And before you say that I'm just going through a phase or even being a total teenager…. You know… I don't even care anymore. I don't care about anyone or anything anymore. This is my problem. I honestly care too much about… EVERYTHING. I'm just honestly really tired of it. I just… I'm so tired of everything…
I'm going back to reality tomorrow… Going home to them… don't want to but I know it must be done.
I'm pretty sure I have iron deficiency anemia… I mean… that's the only thing that explains everything. I'm always tired even when I get the correct amount of sleep (not that my mother would believe me…). Like this morning. I went to bed EARLY! And I still woke up so tired that I didn't even have enough energy to get up out of bed. My hands and feet have been freezing. Along with really the rest of my body but mainly my hands. I mean, I was under some pretty heavy covers earlier today for a couple hours and I was still shivering. I'm pale as fudge. I'm seriously never hungry even if I haven't eatin' anything for a couple days… and a couple other insignificant things… But the thing is… you're really not suppose to diagnose yourself. But I honestly don't think that my mother will take me to the doctors to see what's seriously up with me. She'll just say it costs money to which we don't have. Though she'll spend like a hundred dollars for her boyfriend's kids… I just… I can't… *sigh*
I just want to be happy AND HEALTHY!
As a mother who cares, I would not allow my kids to have moved out before they were 18. My son moved out when he was 19' my daughters 18 and she is happy with is until she gets through college. That being said, I can totally understand how trapped you feel. Maybe your mother would let you go if you came back for weekends? It's always better of two parties can compromise. It's very easy to test for anemia, it's just a finger prick. But depression can also have these symptoms.
Take vitamins. Iron and vitamin d. I'm a small vegetarian girl so I'm super iron deficient. And when I'm actually taking my vitamins it helps me a lot. My symptoms are dizzyness when I stand, cold to the bone feeling, fatuige and depression. Vitamin d also has lots to do with depression so if your deficient it can make you depressed. It takes about a week to kick in though.
I know the feeling of wanting to leave to that sucks that she changed her mind on you but I've been out for 2 years and really is just same shit different place, in my experience at least. You'll make it through