When I first signed up to this website I felt alone and lost, very sad and depressed. About a week afterwards I found out WHY I was in such emotional turmoil- I'm pregnant. Now 17 weeks pregnant to be exact (I was seven weeks when I found out). I felt no joy or excitment at my impending motherhood because I knew the father would be VERY upset since (according to my last Gyno visit) I'm unable to have children due to ovarian cysts so we were using no protection. When I finally got up enough courage to tell him I was pregnant he, like expected, was very upset. He demanded I get an abortion (that he refused to help pay for) and then he told me he wasn't even the father.
I considered the abortion, even going to my Doctor to have him refer me to an actual clinic that would provide the service. I did all of this while crying hysterically. I was in such a terrible emotional place at that time with all of the extra hormones coursing through my veins and the constant sickness I was feeling. I didn't think it would be fair to bring a child into the world with a mentally ill mother and no help from the father…I didn't think I could handle it all by myself. After my Doctor's appointment I went home, cried some more, thought about EVERYTHING especially the fact that this child could be my one and only chance at parenthood, I cried some more, then slept on it. The clinic called me the next day to set an appointment for my abortion and I just couldn't do it, I respectfully declined and hung up the phone. Then I cried again.
I informed the father of my decision the next day and he proceeded to block me on Facebook, through text, and our gaming consoles. I haven't spoken to him in well over two months. I hate every ounce of his being now since he pulled this stunt but I still want him around…I don't want to be alone.
I did have a few peaceful weeks where I was happy for the tiny parasite growing inside of me and felt no depression whatsoever, but now…it has come back full-force. I'm scared for my life and that of the babe growing inside. In my severely depressed moods I research how to cause miscarriages and even go so far as to hit myself in the abdomen. I took this fear and behaviour to my Psychiatrist and they said 'you will be fine'. Really? I hope so because right now I do not feel FINE.