When I first signed up to this website I felt alone and lost, very sad and depressed. About a week afterwards I found out WHY I was in such emotional turmoil- I'm pregnant. Now 17 weeks pregnant to be exact (I was seven weeks when I found out). I felt no joy or excitment at my impending motherhood because I knew the father would be VERY upset since (according to my last Gyno visit) I'm unable to have children due to ovarian cysts so we were using no protection. When I finally got up enough courage to tell him I was pregnant he, like expected, was very upset. He demanded I get an abortion (that he refused to help pay for) and then he told me he wasn't even the father.

I considered the abortion, even going to my Doctor to have him refer me to an actual clinic that would provide the service. I did all of this while crying hysterically. I was in such a terrible emotional place at that time with all of the extra hormones coursing through my veins and the constant sickness I was feeling. I didn't think it would be fair to bring a child into the world with a mentally ill mother and no help from the father…I didn't think I could handle it all by myself. After my Doctor's appointment I went home, cried some more, thought about EVERYTHING especially the fact that this child could be my one and only chance at parenthood, I cried some more, then slept on it. The clinic called me the next day to set an appointment for my abortion and I just couldn't do it, I respectfully declined and hung up the phone. Then I cried again.

I informed the father of my decision the next day and he proceeded to block me on Facebook, through text, and our gaming consoles. I haven't spoken to him in well over two months. I hate every ounce of his being now since he pulled this stunt but I still want him around…I don't want to be alone.

I did have a few peaceful weeks where I was happy for the tiny parasite growing inside of me and felt no depression whatsoever, but now…it has come back full-force. I'm scared for my life and that of the babe growing inside. In my severely depressed moods I research how to cause miscarriages and even go so far as to hit myself in the abdomen. I took this fear and behaviour to my Psychiatrist and they said 'you will be fine'. Really? I hope so because right now I do not feel FINE.

1 Comment
  1. sasha1969 8 years ago

    I am so sorry your so upset.  I have stood in your shoes.  Was told I was unable to get pregnant, then did. I lost the baby due to an abusive husband.   I will always be sad for that as I was unable to get pregnant ever again.  I have no judgement about abortion or adoption.  Whatever you decide please know that you are not alone.  The boy friend can always be made to pay child support to help you and the child financially.  I wish you peace in whatever you choose.  Take care of yourelf.

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