Someone thinks I have a saviour complex.
That may be true… it touches a nerve so it probably is true.
I played white knight with my ex-wife… that turned out so well (lol).
I've helped my adult children out financially a bit, but I guess it's not the amount I helped them with; it's that I sacrificed my own financial situation to do so. When my time to sleep is at a premium I'll still say to a friend 'not a problem, you didn't wake me, I'll be right over to give you a hand', at the same time resenting them for never thinking about my situation… it's kind of ridiculous… it's me myself that is the problem more than any friend or family member. I put myself out to offer to help others at my own expense, sometimes great expense.
And it's almost always to help. Not to hang out, not to enjoy their company, but to help, to do something for them. Part of that is that I don't value my own worth, can't see what I bring to the table as a 'friend'. And I certainly don't know what to do in social settings.
So, I buy the people I care about, with my money or my time or my actions thinking that that is what keeps them close. And it has to be of some sacrifice on my part… the more the sacrifice, the better.
I know my kids and my family love me. But I don't know why they do. My self esteem is a bit of a joke… that is a root of my problems.
So, guess I gotta work at that certain root of the problem (yet again) – I have to understand the value of me (feel it inside). At the same time I have to work on (ie learn and PRACTICE) my social skills. Those things together will hopefully let me know on a deep and a practical level that I can have a social life and more importantly, full relationships with family and friends.
Any of this make any sense to anyone out in the vast and complex world of Depressiontribe? Should I get booted off the island? (okay … to anyone that missed my oblique reference…depressiontribe – tribal council (TV show Survivor) – extinguish your torch and get the hell off the island 🙂
Is it normal to 'buy' love from everyone when you think you aren't worth the time? Are social skills important in boosting your confidence? Does the new Tide get your whites whiter and remove blood stains with a detergenty zeal?