Firstly I would like to say how grateful I am for this site, checking in every day reminds me to make time to nurture my mind, body and spirit.
Overall it has been a good, productive day. I arose at my own pace, I did the chores I needed to do, I rode my bike to a nice quite spot by the lake where I sat to read, I finished my book, I slept and I spent my evening crafting.
My day has not been without difficulties; I received an application rejection for a job I really wanted and I have eaten too much which is a bad habit/comfort reaction I need to get under control. My mind did begin the negative thinking I habitually resort to; ‘always happens to me’, ‘I never get the jobs I want’, ‘no one ever gives me a chance’ and other unhelpful thoughts came to mind but I found something to do to distract myself from those thoughts and managed to continue with my day.
I know I walk an extremely fine line every day when it comes to my mental health so I am going to try and work hard every day to maintain this positive balance – something I am finding much easier to do thanks to this site, just getting these thoughts out of my head and into the abyss helps. However, I am acutely aware that I can take a nosedive at any minute, this makes me so much more appreciative of the good days I have.
I find it really strange how, when I’m headed back to the dark place, I know what I should be looking out for, I know the symptoms, yet when I’m on that path I don’t realise it until it’s almost too late. For now at least, I think I am working my way back up though I fear this may be because I do not have to concern myself with work at present and therefore have the time to work on looking after myself – this scares me when I think about returning to my job.