I’m not a jealous person if I ever say I’m jealous it passes in a few minutes. This pass weekend I felt this gross amount of jealousy like I never have before. I follow this stage actress who is also an author like me. She published her third novel and I saw the entire weekend the overwhelming amount of love and support she was getting because it is amazing. Her friends and family sharing post of the book and how excited and proud they were to have this book. That’s where the jealousy comes out m. I never got that when my book came out. I independently published and am still not taken seriously by my family. Two books published within a year and I’ve  gotten almost nothing from no one. When my first book came out I had a small get together that no one showed up which sent me into a depressive relapse. That even opened up all the wounds I was working so hard to heal with my therapist. During the weekend I kept having dreams that I was doing high school theater and no one showing up. Another one is where it’s my birthday and just as I blow out the candles everyone is gone. They were like war flash backs. I was jealous because all I want is just a crumb of support something to be taken seriously. This is my life, this is my career be excited for me, treat it like it’s a big deal because it is. These books mean everything to me, they are the very thing that saved my life I just wish they were getting the recognition they deserve. Not the fake “that’s so great” but not great I’ll actually buy your book or even read it because that’s just as insulting.

1 Comment
  1. elf 5 years ago

    I’m sorry you have not had the support that you desire for your work. It is hard to pour so much into something and have no one, not even your friends and family share in your excitement and congratulate you. I won’t make false promises about what other people (your friends, family, book purchasers) will do. As hard as it is, try to just take joy in your own accomplishments without comparing to this other woman. The fact that you recognize and verbalize your jealousy is a step to overcoming it.

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