well i went on into workd today feeling like i do with theis bronchitis and sinus infection only because they threw a fit for me to come in,,so i did… i just dont get people anymore they have no sympathy for those who are sick and need time.

Update on my hubby he is dong really well he gets upset cause his right hand wont work like he wants it to,,but I told him he just needs to keep practicing playing the guitar and it will come back to him it would be good therapy for his hand. but I am so thankful God had his hand on him once again (3rd time) Yeah i have almost lost him 3 times now we have been through so much crap that any ordinary couple would not make it through, and i am thankful i have him in my life and that I can help him and he daid he will help me too,,,,the things he has been through in his life you think he would be the one with anxiety and panic,,maybe because I have went through all of it with him is why I suffer because I never have dealt with any of it and may need to release it, but there is just so much that i would have to write about to release and let go and i am sure well almost sure it would help me maybe get over all this. I mean… is it possible that your whole life experiences can build up after so many years and cause this to happen to someone?

I would love to find the reason behind my panic and anxiety and deal with it and try to fix it or learn to deal…but you have to realize it only hasnt been with him that the bad things have happened it started when i was 13 yrs old and i will try to write about that one day but right now it just isnt possible for me to write it for all to see,,and i have ptsd from it and no my parents didnt know for years and i am afraid of everyone because you cant trust nobody.

so mu next blog will be the first thing that my hubby and i had to deal with and you guys if you want tell me if you think it could lead to what i am going through now especially if i havent let go of it,,,ok?

I hope no one here will think bad of me after writing what i am going to in the future I am just trying to get input on what could be causing this and i think all of it may have something to do with my condition right now.