well today was rough …. actually the first time i got pulled out of class in 2 years for cutting. seems like one of my friends cared enough to tell my principle . i kinda wish they didnt though… i got told by my counselor to fake it to make it… basically fake youre happy to get through life…. then they called my mom and i got pulled out of school for today….. i know what im doing is wrong but i just cant handle so much death .. within two months my great grandmother and my dog died. then my boyfriend left and my dad doesnt consider me his kid…. he never really did to be honest…. and today were pretty sure my cat died that i rescued….we havent seen him in two days and for almost a year he comes everyday to come in and eat and snuggle…… i feel like ive lost everyone. my mom says shes my support system but more than not i feel like shes doing more harm than good…… i just dont know what to do anymore. every single one of my family members checked out of my life when they found out im bi-polar depressive and have severe anxiety and OCD. haha… i feel like i have no one and so close to my birthday….. ha happy birthday to me. I just wish i wasnt so doubtful… of myself and everyone . i know this isnt positive but its all i got…. i want to talk but no one is active in any of my tribes….. i guess im on my own for now…talking to myself… if anyone does see this please message me i need someone to talk to…. even if its not about depression or anything like that. im just lonely, i have friends but i dont feel like any of them understand so i dont tell them. god whats wrong with me. Maybe tonight ill go out on my last attempt to look for my cat and have the stars guide me… yeah maybe itll clear my head




  1. darkpoet1977 6 years ago

    I’m here anytime you need an ear to listen or even just to vent. Thanks for responding to my previous post, I know how it feels sometimes when you feel like there’s no one to talk to. Good luck with your cat.

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  2. bridgie101 6 years ago

    I am so sorry life is hard on you at the moment.

    It can take a few years to unjumble the upset of having so much loss of all that was stable in your life. Losing someone you love is like being a tree that was pulled out by its roots: so hard to explain or understand how it is making you feel…. just confused and everything feels wrong and you can’t make it feel right.

    I remember not being able to feel NORMAL. And how do you describe a thing like that? I couldn’t feel okay. I couldn’t settle. Nothing was right. Nothing felt real. Like a bad dream and I couldn’t wake up.

    That passes. It takes time but it passes. Find anything that gives you comfort. I know – you need your cat. šŸ™ which is awful. Is there anything in your room that gives you comfort? An old soft toy? Anything? Find those things that give you comfort and hang onto them. I found in the end that lying in bed cuddling a spare pillow, in the dark, my life could be normal. My world could have been the old world… I could hide there and pretend nothing had broken.

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