Good Morning Everyone….
This was not a good weekend….Last night Rob and I almost broke up…We both had busy weekends….My three nieces and I had a sleepover and Rob wound up hiking on the same day…we were both busy all day and did not talk much but I made sure that we text back and forth,…He called me later that night and I really couldnt stay on the phone long, because my little nieces were upstairs.After about 15 minutes I tried to say goodbye and he just wasnt having it…He sounded so tired adn I kept telling him, go to sleep you just hiked all day….but he kept giving me the guilt trip for getting off the phone….then he was texting me at 4am telling me he couldnt sleep….So Sunday we decided to hang out….as soon as I got there he was hugging me… I said ow, bc his glasses poke me in the eye…He proceeded to take off his glasses and throw them and throw his coat across the room as well….then my mom texted me to ask me if I got there ok and he was like "I hope thats important bc you just got here and you are texting already…I was ready to walk out…isntead I let him have his moment…and then we were ok…until it was time for me to leave and he tried to break up with me…I dont know why I didnt just let him do it>> BUt I broke down adn began to cry my eyes out….=( It waas terrible…I wanted to bein bed my 930 and didn't get him until 1…Now its Monday and its time for work…I get here at 6am…I have a splitting headacha and I am still without security in my relationship…i dont understand….why I care so much…=( ?????
HI… sorry to hear about your predicament…i used to be like that with my wife and my marriage didnt last long before it started to crumble… and i still engage in that kind of behavior with different people like family members, friends etc even with persons . objects or circunstances that i dont even know how they came to be in the first place.
Remenber that ocd is the doubt illness.. so taking your story as mine.. in my case i would start my day with some actual or assuming facts of how my day was going to be but as soon as things or circunstances etc didnt go according to what was supose to be its "normal ways" i would start to doubt everyone and everything and obsses over the posible conspiracys theories taking place ( from anyone or everyone) and then you start giving imaginary answer of how you should react to every case so i would be rumiating this thoughs all day long and for days at a times… so it builds up inside you and there's a moment you just explode and the worst thing is that you know that tha process is taking place and you know what the outcome is going to be but you just cant help it…
And to make things interesting at the same time you feel like the victim, in my case like i was the only one putting the effort in the relationship thinking about everything and feeling that i was the only reason why everythings were holding up.
throw in the tiredness and frustration of dealing with your others ocd rituals etc the lack of sleep etc…it can be overwelming..
So i would really recomend you to try to talk to you boyfriend as sincere as posible and find out first about what triggers his doubts and what resources you can come up with to snap him out of the obssesion before it break him and ruins your day too. he needs to understand tat you get hurt too and that he needs to take that into consideration and you need to understand that you wil have to be very patience and a REALLY REALLY REASSURING PERSON (not that you are not but i mean it like purposely, carefull reassuring person until you both gets the grip of how to handle this problem
i think it can be done.. GOOD LUCK
Thankyou guys for your kind words and thigns that I should try…it is so hard for me to practice this idea of listening and understanding….It is so hard when it comes to him and how he handles certain situations….But i know this is a KEY….the problem is that he doesnt think he is reacting in a wrong way..he knows he has thought problems and issues with these things, but he wont get help with me…..I am willing to go but he keeps avoiding it….and now he tries to tell me he doesnt think we are good or right for each other…he says he has seen patterns in his life…I know it will happen to whoever he is with, so why not be willing to allow me to be the one to help..i love him and he is a good person….he just needs to deal with certain things….Especially his doubts…=(
he just needs to deal with certain things….Especially his doubts…=(
HEY I WAS WONDERING HOW HE SEES HIS OCD AND HOW HE DEAL WITH IT… FROM THE QUOTE ABOVE ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT IF NEW HOW TO DEALS WITH THE DOUBTS HE WOULDNT HAVE OCD THE DOUBTS COMES FROM SPECIFIC CIRCUNSTANCES BUT ARE RAMDON , UREASONABLE AND UNPREDICTABLE THOUGHTS WITH NOT KNOWN ORIGIN THAT PROBALLY INVOLVE A MALFUCTION OF THE BRAIN CHEMESTRY TO TRIGGERS COMING FROM THE SURROUNDINGS ..THATS WHY I SUGGESTED NOT DEALING WITH THE DOUBTS ITSELF BUT RECOGNIZNG( BOTH OF YOU) THAT IS AN ILLNESS AND FINDING WAYS TO SNAP OUT OF THE OBSSESION IN A WAY IN WHICH BOTH OF YOU ARE CONFORTABLE. DOES HE GO TO THERAPY ?TAKES MEDS ?DOES HE READ THIS BLOGS?
HE IS SICK BUT HE NEEDS TO TRY TO DO HIS PART AND I GUESS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN WITH THE WILLING TO LET YOU HELP.. IF YOU THINK HE REALLY LOVE YOU I DONT SEE WHY NOT KEEP TRYING..FOR WHAT I CAN TELL YOU ARE AN AWESOME PERSON ,KEEP TRYING AND IF IT DOESNT WORK OUT YOU DID YOUR BEST…
Sounds very stressful. Is he on medication? Sometimes I think these meds cause people to be highly irritable. It sounds like hes at that stage where everything sends him over the edge. Accidently poking you with his glasses shouldnt cause him to throw a fit. He sounds starved for attention, and maybe the attention is what helps comfort him, but he has to consider your life too. Im sure you want to be there for him as much as you can, but you also have your own responsibilities. He can't expect you to drop everything at the moment he wants, he has to respect your time as well. Your two lifestyles are clashing with each other right now, I hope you both can settle on a middle ground that works for both of you. Good luck, hope things get better.
Thanks guys…means alot…..he looks at his OCD as something that has affected hom for a long time…he knows he has issues and sometimes it seems like he wants to see them more than others…. It is very stressful..I know it must be for him too…thats why I really want to go to get soem help..but its seems like he doesnt want to …the onlytime he said he would is when i said I couldnt handle the realtioship anymore…
Oh, and he doesnt read these…he would probably get very upset!