I have had OCD as long as I can remember. I remember that when I learned to tie my shoes I knotted them until there wasn't any shoelace left, and I was left walking around with these giant knots swinging around my feet. I would cry if someone stopped me from doing it. The next thing I remember is that I had to wet my glasses under the faucet before I put them on. I was a second grader walking around school with water droplets on my glasses all of the time, and I would duck into any bathroom I could to re-wet them. Then the tapping, counting and symmetry started. I had to shut the toilet seat 16 times. Some numbers frightened me and I steered away from them, others I was obsessed with. Everything had to be even, if one foot touched, the other had to, same with any other body part, and my eyes, whick way they looked around. And I just remember everything spiraling from there. It had taken over me. And I had welcomed it to. I have obsessed over hundreds of things in my life, and each one for just a period of time until I moved on to the next. Since I was7 years old, if I didn't do something I would lose a family member, or get a diease, or whatever is the worse case scenario in my mind at the time. And the family member that I worry most about at a certain time is one that I may not be spending enough time with, etc.

I am 22 years old now. I am delayed 45 minutes+every day with my OCD. I have to check things over and over and over, my routines have become necessary and essential. I have a hard time locking my house and leaving without my husband with me for support. I think that our cat is going to escape, the apartment will set on fire, etc, and so on. The things that I regreat doing in life, eat me up inside andmy OCD worsens, thinking that if I don't do something, I will pay for what I have done.I could really go on and on about everything I go through on a daily basis. It is a horrible stress and burden on me that I cannot let go of. I am sure many of you can relate. I have seeked treatment but never had any success. I think that this blog could help me to at least get things off my chest and talk with others who can relate to my situation. Please tell me your thoughts and I will try my best to help you with what you are going through, as well.

Sincerely,

Cassie

2 Comments
  1. LooseCannon 12 years ago

    ocd creates doubt, you know you checked the stove, faucet, etc…but your brain is telling you that you forgot to check and you have this constant feeling "did i check everything".  i have the same problems and I am learing to trust myself that all is ok when I leave the house, I usually say outlould, door is locked, stove is off, lights off…then I can walk out the door and feel confident that everything is cool…I feel your pain, it royally sucks…take care

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  2. Tracey 12 years ago

    I understand what you are going thru. I started at an early age too, didnt seek treatment until i was about 30 years. and it tooks ups and downs until i found medication that worked for me.

    So i beg you please continue to seek treatment……dont give up yet…… OCD can be controlled 

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