So, I drew this picture today (Her name is Chrome Dokuro). Since one thing I try to do when I\'m upset or anxious is to draw. Though, I was already feeling out of place and anxious because I wasn\'t in my hospital room when drawing this,
I was forced to go to the \'playroom\' by mom since she said It wasn\'t good for me to be in my hospital room the whole time (again she\'s oblivious to the my problems, and the fact that I\'m not the only person in the hospital who rather stay in my room then go out and about in the hospital, I\'m hooked up to so many things right now it\'s just a hassle to move around.)
So, Anyway. I was drawing this when a guy came in (He was also a paitent) He sat down at the same table as me, And already my anxiety kicks in despite all he did was walk in and sit down. my mind is racing at this point because I can see from the corner of my eye he\'s looking at me.
I try to ignore it and finish my drawing, After a moment though he starts talking to me, Asking how long i\'ve been here, and why i\'m hook up to so many different things. Now, I reallydon\'t think it\'s any of his business about why I\'m hooked to so many different Iv\'s and the feeding tube, and I honestly just didn\'t want to talk to him, And I couldn\'t even find my voice to answer him.
Then he asks about my drawing, He ask if it\'s one of those \'Anime\' drawings. I was only able to nod my head, He then proceeded to say "Anime huh? That\'s pretty nerdy, Anime is pretty stupid" So, of course (I didn\'t think this was possible) my self-esteem just got shot and it was even lower then dirt now, And I felt like I was going to start crying at any moment.
Though at that moment my nurse came in, Letting me know that I had to go for a MRI scan, Honestly you have no idea how relived I was to get out of the playroom. The Mri went alright, I was able to listen to my Ipod (they have the Ipod in the next room, but hook it up so you can hear it w/headphones that are in there)
So, It got my mind off the people in there, But I still felt anxious and hurt about that boy\'s comment, But maybe he was right….My drawing probably isn\'t even that good, Nothing I do is worth anything anyway…I\'m such an idiot…
What do you think? The drawing is pretty stupid right?…Honestly I can never do anything right, I\'m such an idiot…I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out.