I have learned something today…

After I went to sleep around 10:00 pm and took my meds of 80 mg of prozac, 5 mr of zyprexa, and 3mg of melatonin, I woke up around 3:30 am.Instead of laying in bed, I got up and organised my day in my day planner. I wrote my sister a email, and I decided to write this blog.

Towards the end of my sleep period, i came up with a thought. For those that donot know, I am a practicing pagan, and because of this fact I belive that life exist on 4 planes; fire, air, water, and earth. In my mind there are 4 parts to my personality. Instead of viewing them as 4 seperate beings,  I came up with this idea of four plated glass that are stacked on top of each other. Each are seperate layers of my personailty. All of these layers are part of me. The top layer and largest of the layer is the infinite layer of fire. This layer is where my imagination lives, or what some people term the astroplane/underworld. It is the realm of true knowledge. The second layer is the realm of air. In this layer boundaries start to form in a huge ball with a thin crystalline membrane. This is where rules or logic start to develope. The third layer is water. In the layer which is the layer of relationships, is where we learn the rules that govern feelings; desire(future), feelings(now), and emotion (past). The final layer is earth, and this is the physical realm the life exists in. Everyone and everything in this realm has distinct boundaries, which must be respected.

for me to operate successfully in life, you have to learn to make all four of these layers work together in harmony. If you dwell to much into one plane, it forces the plates to move slower or stop, which causes everythinbg in your life to hit a wall or put on the brakes. If the plates move to fast, this causes tension between the plates and your life shakes violently out of control as gravity forces the plates to remain in there postions.

I know this sounds weird, but I think there is truth in that ideal. I am learning with mental illness that you have to really make a huge effort to visualise past the moment, and see where your actions will lead you to. I a way, it is probably why most of us are compulsive. I think the compulsive part is the way fro the mind to maintain balance in our lives…