In any situation should one follow ones gut reaction or should one think more rationally?

Answers on a postcard…

I don't know what to do, yesterday for the 4th day in a row, I got told that I had tried to change the person I loved, that they had put up with it because they devoted their life to me but in reality, they were fed up of not being able to be themselves. (The main complaint being that I am tactile and he isn't at all)

Basically he doesn't love me, he puts up with me and doesn't mind me and him being pretend partners but thats all, and then he constantly reminds me that actually we are close friends but thats all.

He actually accused me yesterday of waiting to be the grieving widow! I couldnt believe it! So I said 'Do you want me to leave?' and he said 'No'

Then when I said ' Well I think you should just phone me in future when you want to chat to someone'  He told me not to be stupid, that his life was shit at the moment and to phone him today.

What should I do? I feel ugly and repulsive all the time. He said its not about being attractive, its just I'm too pink and fluffy and he isn't and also he doesn't want to put me as risk but last night the reason was back to the fact he doesn't want a relationship with me because we would only last a week and that Im not his type.

My inner instinct says 'end it'  but then my other side says 'stick with it'  – what shall I do? I love the guy completely but if in reality he just doesn't think that way about me, is it worth just throwing the towel in, I just can't be the friend because if he ever got  a partner, I would be devastated. (which he knows and tells me that he doesn't want a partner so I should be happy with the fact he devotes his entire life to me)

What a mess!

1 Comment
  1. lexie69 11 years ago

    Update – thanks for your message, its lovely to get another perspective on the issue. We have been close friends for 2 years now but I fell for him about 4 months in, he had just come out of an horrific relationship and decided that he didnt trust anyone, so I have been trying to build up that trust for people again.

     

    He does give me everything I want, I get all the cuddles I want and emotionally we completely connect but in reality we are SO different. He is very shy and quiet and I am very extrovert so we argue constantly! Yes, he is Hiv+ and I am neg.  That was another reason he won't date me cos he doesn't wont to put me at risk but I only found out about him being HIV 2 weeks ago and then he was suprised when I stayed (he had stropped off for a walk after telling me) saying 'Oh I thought you would have gone'

    On the upside he is talking alot about our future and what we can look forward too, so he obviously thinks I am worth something!

    Anyway I rang today and he was over the moon to hear from me again and he was completely different!!!

    I think he just has to let off steam everynow and again and I get the naff end of it,  we are VERY open and honest and although I get upset (being a typical girl and all!) I do think its good that he feels able to just be himself!

    Thanks for listening to me moaning though!!! I MUST TRY and not be SO emotional!!!!

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