I passed out on my laptop last night. The mixture of alcohol and exhuastion did it i’m sure. The stupid thing about that is that I didn’t even turn my laptop off. I woke up with my head resting on the keyboard, with MSN still up and me still logged into Dtribe. I’m surprised it didn’t turn off itself. I woke up around 3am, turned the computer off and got into bed.
I woke up at 6am. I couldn’t get back to sleep. Just thinking too much. My mind couldn’t rest.
I didn’t wake up with a hangover. I never do. I still have about half a bottle, if not more, left in the bottle. I’m sure that will be less by tonight.
I didn’t attempt to OD last night. However I did start cutting again. I havn’t done this in a long time. I thought I was over all this crap, but I see that there is never a time when i’ll be truly "over" anything. Its allways going to be there. A devil in a humans body.
I had some lunch. Again I made it and I didn’t want to eat it. I forced myself to have a little bit of it. Stupid… soo stupid.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m meant to have classes tomorrow. I don’t know If i’ll go yet. I’m just wasting everyones time. I’m not going to be able to pass. I’m too dumb for this sort of thing.
Maybe I have jumped in too soon. When I thought I was ready, I wasn’t. I know I’m not ready for this stuff. I’m not strong enough. I’m a weak, weak person.
The thoughts of suicide still run rampant through my mind. I don’t know if they will ever go. They seem cemented in my thoughts, my head… what every you wish….
What will happen? I.don’t. know.