I guess I assumed one day I would just become happy I would not have to be on meds or go the thearpy but, the day never came. I am currently taking zoloft a very low dose I do ok most days but, having a really hard time finding a job here in california and very hard time paying bills. It is like iif it is not one problem there is another. I am a mother of a three year old and marriend and, to be honest whish I never had children I can’t do shit for him he does not even have his own room we all shar a one bed room apartment and I am sick of it. Sometimes I think it would be better if I gave my son to somone who can afford him it is breaking us so much but, my husband is ok with having nothing I mean we have food we have shelter clean cloths etc but no extras at all. I am so tried of being broke I could being a escort or a dnacer at this point only if I was not too fat lol . I can’t find a job in my field I am currently going to school but, far away from my degree my husband makes nothing without my income he is not even makinf 45% of what I was making I fell liek such a loser I swear. We have no support system both of our families are not well off and can’t help us at all have been on my own since I was 15 and freakign sick and tried of having money problems. I swear people say if you were rich you would still not be happy if you are not happy while tyou are poor well thats bullshit when I was making good $$$ I was happy I hate being a loswer I guess God does not want me to amount to who I want to be I guess I don’t deserve anything better than what I have since, something always seems to happened to take away everythign we have. I am so sick of living I really am if it was not for my husband I would just go be homeless and go shoot myself in the head I swear I am so over beign alive.


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