When was I going to decide enough is enough? After being up for days without showering? After pawning the ring my grandma gave me that was so special to? After realizing it’s 5 days until Christmas and I have not bought a single gift and work 2 jobs??? Yesterday I made an appointment with an outpatient facility ! It’s on Friday. I’m scared and relieved at the same time. I’m scared I’m going to want just one last time and miss my appointment. I’m scared that I won’t go. But knowing that I want help and have the appointment is a relief.
I’ve only been using for 3 months and have turned my life upside down, I can’t imagine years of this shit. I’m embarrassed by my drug of choice…. and the reason I made this profile is to hold myself accountable. I’m a crack head. There, I said it.
I already suffer from depression and anxiety, throw some crack in there, and I’m a ticking time bomb . I’ve always been able to manage my depression I think. Sure, I’d have a bad day, but it was just a day not the entire week. Now it seems everyday I’m so consumed with depression. Even on the days I am able to get high. Because as soon as it’s gone, I want more.
I’ve lost several friends which really hurts. They were all cool with cocaine but as soon as they found out I switched to hard, they didn’t want anything to do me. But they still call when they want the soft, and i still deliver because there’s something in it for me. I’m tired of being sick,wired, and tired. I want my life back!
I’m annoyed this needed a minimum of 300 words. I’m not good at blogging or writing. But that should be the least of my worries…. I just want to know when I’ll be free of this terrible drug??