\\\”What is happening to me?\\\” I asked myself as I was laying high in my bed, tripping.

My name is Maya and I\\\’m an addict.

I have one day sober. Not my first rodeo.

I find the way my common sense works very uncommon.

To me getting sober is everything healthy, and good, right from day one. I get fat when I use, even though I use to lose weight.

I get lazy and lose productiveness when I use, even though I use because I lie to myself I am more interesting and that my brain functions better.

I seem to lose everything when I use, I get bored, then I use some more, yet I find a million and one things to do when I am sober.

I use mostly out of people places and fear. everyone I know is an addict, not in my family but getting addicted I surrounded myself with addicts and never kicked that habbit.

I never followed the program like I should have. Always wanted to see how low I can get.

I don\\\’t want to go any lower.

I feel like my addiction is robbing me of everything faster than I have anything left.

I was scared to take this step before I was really into it.

I just knew I would fall hard. And I did….and oh  I did.

But now I really feel like using would be like scratching my left ear with my right hand.

I really don\\\’t miss that feeling, I yearn to do the steps, I yearn for another clean hour for another sober day.

I can do this, without abusing food,

I can heal my soul.

I Have to do this while I still have a fraction of my family and a chance for a job,

while I still have people who beleive in me

and a boyfriend who loves me.

I can do this while I still have my soul in tact

I have to do this and I will do this.

Thank you.