What is wrong with me? Nothing especially bad happened today yet I feel anxious like crazy & can feel myself launching into a downward spiral again :(. I don't want to do that it has been taking longer & longer to get out of them lately it went from a few days to more like a week or two at a time!!! I am tired of telling others how much I struggle yet somedays I want to shout it to whoever will listen which is the direct opposite of each other :/. I guess this is just another place I am being black & white it is 1 or the other it can't be both for some reason to me! People in my life have seemed to give up on me which just allows me to give up on myself so so much easier. I just need 1 person who believes in me to tell me that I can do it…people telling me I can't definitely isn't helping me at All! I am at the place of… what is the point in me being around if I am not good for anything anyway? People are leaving left & right it is like I have something contagious or I am on a sinking ship & everyone wants off as quickly as possible. What is so wrong with me? The anxiety is not catching. I have done so so much for everyone else yet when I need something in return they are no where to be found probably because they have run the other way :(. My best way of describing this feeling is standing in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs & no one looks up or I am drowning & no one will through me a line!!!! I have become invisible to family & friends. They are pretty much all gone now even the ones who have stood by me this long are now saying we can't handle you leave us alone & please don't call us anymore…which just rips my heart out!!!!!!!!! Thinking it would have been better if they just left in the beginning like so many others it would have been easier emotionally on me. How much longer must I cry & beg for help before someone does something about it??? Probably going to call my Dr this week & see what he can do for me because my anti-anxiety medicine clearly isn't working for me anymore if I am this worked up & stressed out! Been putting off going for as long as I could because I know what he will say either we have tried it all, or u need more therapy- which I can't afford if i could afford it I would go every week since that is what I need but it is expensive without health insurance!!!!! Right now my counselor is my life line to sanity without her relieving some of the pressure I would have given in long ago! At the end of my rope with no where left to go-where do i go from here?

3 Comments
  1. esdnmw 9 years ago

    I have been in your shoes on and off for almost 20 years.I have 2 children a brother and a fiance\' but, other than that my whole family has sh*t on me. I have also tried every med. and have had little or no relieve from the panic/anxiety attacks they are non stop which has only made my depression 10 times worst. I have also begged family members for help and they have also turned away what I am trying to say to you is I am in your shoes I spend most of my days crying or I just dont get out of bed. so plz do not feel alone I am right ther with you struggling just like you and everyday I ask what can I do to make it go away.My therapist told me it will take time but, I will get there I am just wondering how long. Plz dont feel alone because you are not!

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  2. jamesFake 9 years ago

    when you are sad you attracts sad people around you. Sympathy and empathy is all well but if there is no positive spin, it gets overwhelming and ends up in a quagmire of negativity.

    We can brainstorm about how we can get the positive spin:)

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  3. yorkielover 9 years ago

    I finally just did it I called my Dr & he can see me on Monday. Feeling very anxious about it & what he will say :(. My biggest fear is he will say their is nothing he can do for me I know I should cross that bridge when I get there but I can\'t keep it out of my head!!! And it has happened many times so their is a likely hood it could happen again! At least it is only 3 days…which will still seem like an eternity I am sure.

    jamesFake,
    I would love to hear some of your ideas & brainstorm with you on this!

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