So i'm back at uni, in the cold depressing house, living with people I have very little in common with.
My one good friend who was my rock in this place has recently just got a girlfriend, he's not told anyone and I'm only guessing but he's told me before that there's something going on between them and I think it finally happened.
I feel two ways about that… me and him nearly got together last year, so the rejection factor here is a little hard to understand. I live with him – which makes that harder. But above and beyond all of that, I'm so frustrated with how he acts now. He'll sit in my room and instead of talking to me, he'll be instant messaging her on his ipad and if he's not on his ipad he'll be texting her. I'm bored of it, he doesn't know the way my mind works though so I forgive him for being a little unsubtle and deep down I am happy for him. It's not so much his new relationship, it's more that now I'm no longer important and I can't handle it honestly.
In this house the set up is strange, I don't know two of the people here because they were last minute replacement & they have no time for the rest of us. One of the others is never in and that leaves me and this guy and another girl who is also never in. Bascially its us two against the rest of them… and now he's gone. He doesn't wanna hang out anymore and when we do, he just takes the piss out of me (like usual) but now I take it personally and get pissed off :s – it makes me a nark & who would wanna hang out with that?!
I miss my friends from home 🙁 so badly, and my uni lectures are so nerve wracking this time around. I'm not having fun and I literally don't know how to fix myself. I feel like i'm on my own in a strange city.
I'm just hoping this kind of feeling passes and I don't dip back into an attack state – I literally just came out of one. The impending fear of being by myself is, even now, making me breathe quicker :s
Another thing (& this is just me rambling on now) both my sisters are getting married in the next two years… it makes the whole feeling alone thing even worse :s generally I'm not a pessimist about life, I know things are not set in stone, I won't be on my own forever, but sometimes at my age, you just want a someone to talk to at the very least.
Anyway, I feel a lil better just getting it out on here x
Thank you 🙂 I appreciate that.
Yeah, I\'m hopeful that as the modules get going things will be less nervy, I\'m only fearful because my first assignment is a presentation :s and my group aren\'t getting on so well lol, but I\'ll give it a couple of weeks and see how it goes 🙂
I would love to tell him out right, but I\'ve never been a good confronter I\'m quite an appeasing person :/ I went home tonight though after that blog because I missed my family far too much and I didn\'t want to sit in a cold house on my own lol he got annoyed because I left, which just bugged me further because he was in his room ignoring me anyway :s the only reason he got annoyed as well was because i was going to make him dinner… hmm, see he doesn\'t know about my anxiety and stuff, so he literally wouldn\'t understand my need to run home, but he\'s quite selfish anyway in one respect because he wasn\'t concerned that I needed to go home at this time of night :/
But anyway, I\'m going home for a bit of a relax, get my head back together and brace myself for the strange ways that he acts. I seem to think if I prepare for him to act that way then I won\'t get so hurt by it.. maybe
I know what you mean.
can\'t you get a kitty? When i feel alone I sit beside a cat and he usually makes me feel alright.
Aw, I\'d love a pet but I can\'t have one in my student house :/