if life could have thrown a damn curve ball at me it would have been now, damn almost 21 living that vibrant life and i had to have the family secret revealed to me in a sad and shocking way. i know that many would say that the 1st time you find out that you is positive the 1st reaction is shock and thenslowly reality sinks in, well with me i am still in between the 2 of those two paths.

my father was busy sleeping around and well the rest is history because i had seen my mother fool around with man in her time, yeah i am still a virgin promised god to wait till i was married that vow i made ah like 16 years ago when i dreamed of having a family but yeah HIV took all that awa and i suppose with the stigma surrounding this virus a life of secrecy is all i can ever live. as i have began the triple therapy comprising ofthe drug truvada and aluvia well i have been skipping doses just waiting on the lord to just awake me from this horrible dream, i have lost my father he has been out of my life for more than half my age i seem to just hold him for that and well the virus stuff.

i have attemted suicide like 6 times but failed i just feel like the next time i try i will succed that may be negative but as for now as my mum says "live everyday as you see it" that is a fact but if you me that life and day will comprise of lies in my 3 different characters 1 for church the other for school the other home that may be the real guy dont know if i am bipolar too hey god has really put me on the platform here damn

what more can i say i have not slept for like the last 19 hours that is major bad stress is killing me i am relying on sleeping tablets dam…