Well here I am again, life has been so busy I've not been around for a while and not added any updates.
Since my last entry I have spent a great deal of time with Mark in Wales, it has been an interesting and growing time. We are still learning about each other, our likes our dislikes.
I find that the relationship is having a positive effect on life generally, I'm getting the house sorted more, and am more prepared for moving on after the death of Dave. I have cleared a lot more stuff and been re-organizing the house so it is more comfortable for me, it feels more homely as well.
My life outside of our relationship still needs work, I still lack friends, I rarely go out, but part of that is my health and how tired I am after work. I seem to spend much of my time simply recovering from going to work, I save what energy I can for when I can see Mark. Mark's health is also not so good, he expects to have to go on meds in the not to distant future. This worries him greatly, I'm hoping that meds will have a positive effect for him and allow him to get back more to himself. He has seen to much of the negative side of life and the results of HIV to really feel positive about it.
As I depend on meds for different health problems all the time I suppose I naturally see them in a more positive light, I'm also more used to living with the side effects of taking lots of different pills.
All I can do is stay positive and hope that things go well when the time comes.
Mark has his Ex staying with him at the moment, thats a little odd for me, though I think I'm ok about it. Think I would like to have met his Ex though I don't think that would ever be on the cards, not sure why, just would be nice to meet the guy that Mark spent 13 years of his life with. They have remained good friends since they split up.
In some ways I love going to Wales, I love the country and have always wanted to live in it (Scotland was originally my love), Mark is very lucky to live outside of the city. I hate living in the city but suspect I'm destined to spend the rest of my life living in one. My work is in the city and I couldn't change jobs with the health problems I have, I get paid really well here and it enables me to do the things I want and keep a roof over my head. Though I do hate it, I want to get up of a morning and look at the hills, here the animals calling, feel the grass under my feet and feel life moving at a slower pace, one I can keep up with.
As it is, I live in Birmingham, it is not a very friendly city, I live on a main road and people here do not speak to each other. I do get on fairly well with the neighbours on one side, but they are the only people I know in the road and I have lived here for 22 years. I look out of the window at the traffic rushing past, or I'm in it rushing myself from one place to another, it's so hard to sit back and take life at a slower pace in a city. The city it'self seems to almost drive the pace you live at. It always seems gloomy and lonely in the city, the country seems to have a soothing effect on me.
I am still learning Welsh, but it is hard going, I'm Dyslexic and it is not making it easy. I also find it hard to spend the time learning when I'm so far away from any other Welsh speakers or from simple things like Welsh road signs etc. I am still determined just wish I was doing better. It has always been a dream of mine to learn another language, and it is great to be able to work towards that dream with Mark.
I worry about next year, this year I have been able to arrange loads of time off from work, even so I have found it hard to cope with work and life. Next year I will not be able to arrange anywhere near as much time of work, probably about half what I have had this year. I'm not sure how that will impact on my ability to cope, or how it will impact on Mark and I as I won't be able to spend so much time with him. The time I do spend with him will come at a higher cost as it will be time snatched here and there.
Well thats a worry for the future, I do still have plenty of time off this year. Although we are going through a period when we arn't able to see so much of each other at the moment, and wont over the next few weeks.
The important thing is, here we are more than 5 months down the line and we are still together, still having a good time and still enjoying being with each other.
We are building lots of memories together of good times to keep us going when we cant be together.
A bit of Welsh:
Dw i'n dy garu di, yn fawr, iawn iawn (I love you very, very much)
See I'm learning the important bits first, learn to talk to strangers eventually, first learn to speak to your lover.
If the next few months are as good as the last few then I will have little to complain about, I will try and be around here a bit more while we can't see each other so much.