I don't know how anyone else feels about their OCD but I am at a point in my life in which I have tochoosebetween myfamilyandOCD. I honeslty have never lost anything in my life and I absolutely refuse to lose this battle with OCD.The mostimportant thing is not losing my family or friends because of this. I was washing my hands earlier and counting in my head and for some reason it hit me that this is absolutely stupid and beyond bat sh*t crazy. I have told myself before that nothing will happen if I don't do these things but I always succumb to the thoughts. I refuse to do this anymore. I have noticed a change in myself over the past 3 weeks since being off of medication and I feel alot better and truly believe I can do this.

I have read alot of blogs and forum comments and I appreciate everyone's honesty with their OCD. For a long time I thought I was the only one with this. At my previous locations thoughout the world I tried numerous times to get group therapy and see other people that are the same as me but I could never find any groups. I am happy to see other people like me (Not happy you have OCD) because it helps me to find solutions tomy problem.

A great Leader once told me that you have to pick positive and negative attributes from people and apply them to yourself. So what I am doing is taking the positive ways other's have helped to defeat/control their OCD and I amapplying them to my OCD. I have noticed things have calmed down in my mind and once again, for me getting off the meds was key. I think alot clearer and my thoughts aren't clouded anymore. I still have alot of the thoughts but I had to take a stand with myself. I remember times when I would put my hand through a wall because I didn't want to wash my hands anymore or deal with the thoughts. Then I would have to wash my hands again to cleanse myself. I don't know how to win a battle with myself but I do know that nothing will happen if I have an intrusive thought.

The only outcome we can control in this world is ourselves. We control our thoughts and if we can't we need to realize that we need to get ahold of them. Nothing will happen toothers if we have a bad thought, nothing will happen to us for having bad thoughts. And as much as I pray to God I still have OCD so maybe he is telling me that I can do this on my own.