How lonely is lonely?

There are times when I wished I meet someone like myself; happy, sad, scared, has anxieties and its developments. I’m sure there are lots of people around me but no one reaches out. I’m not asking for a sign to be placed on a person’s back or an entry next to a name and number in the white pages, all I’m asking for is a sign, a hint. Would it help me in my time of need to know that I could count on you for strength?

Silly as it sounds, playing the role of “everything is okay” is very hard and I have been doing it for years. I sit at my desk, working away, having a good time for the most part, then frustration sets in and I scramble to figure out what I just did to trigger the signs of anxieties; heavy breathing, chest hurting, having difficulty holding a conversation without gasping for air. Was it the food I ate, the jumps I’ve been taking with being sociable, the way I sit in my chair in a slouch position, or was it the stress I’ve been under for the past two weeks? I just don’t know.

So how would a friend help me in my time of need? A text, phone call, words of encouragement or distraction, what is it? I’ve got all those things that I can practice, I believe, although it’s exhausting and I’m running out of energy.

Seclusion sounds extremely quiet so do I dare, or shall I get noisy or let myself emerge in noise; background preferably. Kind of like a bird standing on a wire high up in the sky. I can just feel the danger now with my heart pounding from being up in such heights. So am I anxious anymore or just scared?  

What about friendship or something more serious such as “kiddy-like” feelings. Those sound fun and more heartwarming than the high wire.

So how lonely is lonely? I don’t really know. Maybe if I start from the other end and think,

Can being in company become too social?