i havent written a blog in what….YEARS! sorry im not the blogging type person. i make video diary entries now thru youtube. but thats besides the point.

just wanted to say that today i feel may be the breaking point for me as far as trying to find work. the last several months ive had 3 job interviews (i know it may not seem like much compared to most who are desperate for work doing 100s of applications a week) but you have to understand, OCD, anxiety and being in the negative mindset all the time does not help the situation and makes it extremely difficult. evenhaving a job coach, it seems impossible. for several years of trying, all i would hear from a company i applied or interviewed for, the response is always either "we'll call you" (that call never comes), or "you do not fit the qualifications for….blah blah blah" IM SICK OF IT!!!! i had another interview today with 12 other applicants in the room, and that made my self esteem drop a few levels, even after practicing for it and even though i made a narrow escape and got through all the (nervewrecking) questions, i STILL do not believe im good enough for any job. its hopeless at this point! my face hurts from wearing that mask i like to call a smile, and i just dont know what to do anymore. everytime i go into a job interview, i have a panic attack. while i feel i cant go thru with this anymore, at the same time i desperately NEED to work. i really want to move on with my life but hearing these things from all the employers EVERY….SINGLE….TIME is getting old! i do receive SSI but its not enough to keep me stable. besides i need the physical activity. being bored is making my depression worse!

sorry for the long rant but im at the end of the line and this broken record has got to STOP! i invite any encouraging words that may help b/c i feel so alone in this right now. 🙁

  1. Crashed 9 years ago

     Hi hamgirl. You know, I understand how you feel, and I'm sorry its like each attempt is just not worth it, but I think the simple fact that you are going to interviews says a lot.

    It says that you are qualified, that you are on paper worth the time and effort to listen to and to see who you are. That's a oppertunity that most people don't get, myself included. 

    I think it all comes to being you, relaxing, and honestly…not smiliing if you don't want to. In the end its really about confidence and attitude.

    No offense to anyone, but I can tell you first hand that I have met more dumb people at work, than I ever did anywhere else. Either they talk a good game, or lie through their teeth. 

    I'm pretty damn sure you are more than acceptable to these employers, why, because getting someone to talk to you from a resume or application is actually the hardest thing to do.

    You are only fighting yourself, so, what you need to do is relax, don't be anyone else but you, hey, they will know how you are and who you are eventually no matter how well you hide it. So don't stress with the cliche answers and the phony smile.

    I use to personally do that and just failed all the time, then one day I said screw it. I walked into a interview in my t-shirt and jeans, and answered whatever they asked the way I wanted to. And I said pretty much "this is how much I need, and this is what I can do" and well I got the job. Ever since then I pretty much just do that, I don't dress up, I don't smile, I just go in as if they need me, which they often do, and they usually don't regret it because despite whatever crappy thing I don't know or have issues with, I make sure they know I can learn it and make it better.

    You can too, and I believe you do have it in you, it comes down to you.  Sorry for the rant

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  2. chez 9 years ago

    Even though your self asteem went down and it was so hard for you to do the interview you still done it  you still went if that was me i would have not gone to the interview don't put yourself down by thinking you are not good enough for the job, think of what you achieved by facing fears and the right job will come along for you hopefully soon good luck.



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