i havent written a blog in what….YEARS! sorry im not the blogging type person. i make video diary entries now thru youtube. but thats besides the point.
just wanted to say that today i feel may be the breaking point for me as far as trying to find work. the last several months ive had 3 job interviews (i know it may not seem like much compared to most who are desperate for work doing 100s of applications a week) but you have to understand, OCD, anxiety and being in the negative mindset all the time does not help the situation and makes it extremely difficult. evenhaving a job coach, it seems impossible. for several years of trying, all i would hear from a company i applied or interviewed for, the response is always either "we'll call you" (that call never comes), or "you do not fit the qualifications for….blah blah blah" IM SICK OF IT!!!! i had another interview today with 12 other applicants in the room, and that made my self esteem drop a few levels, even after practicing for it and even though i made a narrow escape and got through all the (nervewrecking) questions, i STILL do not believe im good enough for any job. its hopeless at this point! my face hurts from wearing that mask i like to call a smile, and i just dont know what to do anymore. everytime i go into a job interview, i have a panic attack. while i feel i cant go thru with this anymore, at the same time i desperately NEED to work. i really want to move on with my life but hearing these things from all the employers EVERY….SINGLE….TIME is getting old! i do receive SSI but its not enough to keep me stable. besides i need the physical activity. being bored is making my depression worse!
sorry for the long rant but im at the end of the line and this broken record has got to STOP! i invite any encouraging words that may help b/c i feel so alone in this right now. 🙁