I know that our relationship is so un healthy. I know that
we fight too much and too often. I know that what Savanna
sees when she watches us fight is not good for her. I know
that when we fight I hate him so much and am so ready to
just have him leave forever. I know that when we are not
fighting I feel so differently. I know that we should
probably just break up. I know. I don\'t know why it is so
worth it for us to do this to each other all of the time.
We say things, awful things, to hurt one and other…and
we are always successful. You wouldn\'t think it was love
or a partnership. You just wouldn\'t. I am not sure why we
stay. How can you say one minute that you hate me and push
me and then later on say how sorry you are and how much
you love me. Can you truly love someone and then threaten
to punch them in the face, all the while she is 9 months
pregnant. How could you be violent like that to someone
that is carrying your child. Is it just so much passion,
or so much anger and regret. Do you really want to hurt
me? Do you like making me cry? Does it make you feel good
to push me? How do you feel knowing that your 2 year old
daughter just watched you be violent with her pregnant
mommy? It seems so awful, so toxic. Why would anyone want
this to be their reality? Why would anyone want to go
through that or have their child go through that? He is
such a different preson. The person I got with in the
first place would have never treated me this way or ever
acted like that. I am sure he is just mad at me for
ruining his life with kids and responsibility. I guess in
that case he ruined my life as well. I hate him just as
much as he hates me I guess. God forbid we actually sit
down and talk like adults though, this is a family of 6
year old and we get our point across by yelling and being
violent and the ever so important ignoring. This is all so
stupid to me, and I know that I deserve better. If he
truly hates me, thinks I am such a cunt, bitch and all of
the other usual name calling he must deserve better too.
Maybe there is someone out there that will ask nothing
more of him but to play video games all day. Maybe there
is someone that would be fine with working full time and
doing all of the housework herself. You never know what
kind of people might be out there. Sometimes I feel like I
would rather be alone all of the time then deal with this.
He causes me a lot of anger and stress and pain. I cry as
much as he makes me laugh. He makes me feel good just as
much as bad. He is my everything when we aren\'t fighting,
but when we are hes everything I dont want. I am not sure
what to do about this. I dont know exactly how I feel. I
dont know how this got to be this way. I am not sure hell
ever open up or grow up or anything. I know we are young,
too young for all of this. What do you do now though? What
do you do?
