I've been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks for about 10 years now, I've always been placid and kept to myself. As a child I was dependant on my mother, she was my safety blanket. At the age of 6 I moved down to Somerset and had to make new friends, this caught me off guard and for the first few months, I was distraught and kept crying. I soon settled in and remained quite timid. The anxiety became more severe when I was 11 years old, leaving primary school and joining secondary. I became again distraught and felt physically sick and panicked because of the change. On joining the school, problems arised at home, which caused me to start self harming and become severly depressed. my worrying became constant and I'd have panic attacks more than 10 times a day and constant anxiety. I soon became fed up with the way I was, growing to hate my appearance too, I self harmed, tried to commit suicide. I had hit rock bottom. Counselling was a waste of time for me, I just couldn't pick myself up, problems at home kept arising and growing harder to deal with, me being the oldest I had to deal with them all. As the years went I, I continued to self harm, I took up smoking, to help slowly kill myself, it was what I wanted. Soon I turned onto drink, I slowly came off the self harm with pushes from friends and support. The drink then became my vice, it stopped my anxiety and made me feel more confident. I'd drink everyweekend then every day to help me feel better. During this time my anxiety got worse, i'd panic if i was waiting for a bus, if i was sat on a bus and someone would say a mean comment, i was paranoid people didn't like me and that they were watching me, my heart would race as i'd go into college and even more so when I was meeting new people. I'd feel physically sick and dizzy, my heart would race far quicker than normal, i'd get hot flushes and begin to sweat, i'd feel as tho I was being suffocated. I couldn't possibley do presentations, I'd speak to fast, struggle to breath and go bright red, i'd dig my nails into my palms to try calm myself, I'd afterwards calm myself down with deep breathes, my pulse slowly and my hotness leaving me. This all still happens now, it's driving me insane, and stopping me from living my life. I sit at night in bed, my heart pounding, mind racing even if i hear a slight sound. I have anxiety and panic attacks 2-3 times a day if im in the house, if i go to college or out with friends I have over ten, it's constant worrying.
I would be grateful if any of you could provide me with information to help this. I'm 18 and this is stopping me from being a confident, vibrant women.
=)