Well Hello Year 4 of HIV. How are you doing? I'm still here, hanging on and life it seems is not done with me yet.But then again neitherare you Mr. HIV virus. Your friend mr. AIDS diagnosis hasn't made his appearanceas of yet, but then againI'm not sure how I feel about that yet. lol. I'm 35 minutes late in posting this, however….

It was a quiet day by all accounts. The 4 year anniversary of my diagnosis arrived in the same fashion as it's fellow conspirator. My birthday. Even work up early for some strange reason.

So I decided to do something for the community on my Birthday this year. I went up and helped put together the holiday food boxes for my local HIV/AIDS community. Due to the cuts in state funding this may be the last year we get to do the holiday boxes, but hey. Be greatful for what you have when you have it and don't mourn the loss. Instead remember it and cherrish the memory.

No phone calls came in today for birthday wishes. Not even my own family. That much I can almost expect. HEAVEN forbid anyone in my family admit to having an HIV positive family member let alone go out of their way to wish me happy birthday. But TheyWILL be there when my will is read; each member of the family expecting something. Only they willfind out that not a single person in my family will get one single Cent. Turning your back on some one just because they have HIV is heartless. So to that effect: As of today (Lawyer thought I had lost mymind when I called her this morning to alter the will) every penny I have and all of my belongings will go Local Aids Service Organizations upon my death. My family ((can I still call them that even now after 4 years of not hearing from them because of HIV??)) They will throw a fit of course and challange the will, however, it will be a lesson in humility and graceI think. Life is sacred, precious and dear. something that most people never learn until it is too late. It is a lesson that is hardest to learn for those that have abandoned loved ones and family because of HIV and AIDS.

But My cats (Darwin and Lulu) meowed all day long for me and cuddled up to me as if to say: " Dad, we love you, don't worry we are here for you" when I got home this afternoon I popped some sleeping pills and got the obligatory 5 hours of sleep.

It seems strange you know. Considering my birthday and HIV diganosis are on the same day, i can only sit back and wonder what the comming year will bring. I'm still not on medication, but who knows. This monday I have a blood draw. And in Two weeks I'll go up to the VA to see the doctor. Perhaps Mr. HIV Virus will stay just as is. Or perhaps he will Invite Mr. AIDS diagnosis along for the ride. Not sure. Either way Year 4 of HIV has arrived and Year 34 of living on this planet has officially begun.

And I am by all accounts still here. My birthday wish is simple: What grace left to me, what hope, what dreams, what joys… May they pass to others so that a light continues to burn in the darkness to guide us all home. Where ever that home may be.