So yesterday I was perfectly fine, until I got into my car, I started driving to pick up my boyfriend, when suddenly I had an out of the blue severe panic attack. It was horrible.
As I was driving, my heart began to race and my thoughts kept telling me that I was going to die, I almost felt that the last breath I was going to take was going to be my last. I started to get warm tingly sensations throughout my entire body, I couldn't see straight. It was the most horrible experience. I started to shake, but i kept driving, I did almost pull over but if I did I kept thinking it was going to get worse if I did that. I kept telling myself that I was going to die. I hate those kind of attacks and recently this is the second one like this I've had in two months. Their so out of the blue. When I got to my boyfriends house, I was completely broken down I managed to calm down a little bit but I felt so out of control, not myself, felt like this was the total end. Does anyone else go through this like I do?? Sometimes, when I get into that panic, I feel that no one can help me, not even myself. I started to breathe very slowly, but I can't stand the word breathing, lol it's silly to me when I talk about this now, but when it happens, my god its terrifying. I didn't want to get back into my car, afraid that I might have another attack. But I got back in my car and kept driving and dropped my boyfriend off at work.
Later last night, I had to pick him up at 10:30PM, I was so afraid to have another attack. I kept mentioning positive things to myself. I got in my car, and drove to pick him up. I didn't have an attack, and I praised myself and I felt good. I feel pretty good right now, but still that thought is inside me, scared of freaking out and going crazy. Sometimes, I wish I had a broken bone or something, rather than thinking if or what if I am going to have a panic episode like i did, that's the most horrible attacks I ever experienced. I hate those thoughts of feeling out of my body or I am going to die. It's horrible. I try to control myself and try to rid those obsessive thoughts, and I try everyday not to have them control my life but you know what… it's hard.