Well I obviously haven't been on here in quite some time so there is a lot to update but first I just absolutely need to get this off my chest and hopefully a bit more off my mind.

I got married in September to the guy who I had been dating for 4 years. He is one of my best friends and we have been really close friends for about 7 years now. Until July we had never lived together because we lived about an hour from each other and each lived near our own jobs. The move was a bit unexpected, but one of his dogs was badly injured and needed someone home all day, so since I was quitting my job anyways to move down by him after getting married, I moved down early.

At first things were good. My fiance at the time was a bit spastic but he is going through a rough child custody battle currently so I figured it was just that. I have since realized it is not just that. I have come to realize that there is far more to it than just him being upset by and irrationally obsessing over that situation.

You see my husband is a firefighter/paramedic. He's a wonderful guy who will literally help people even if it puts him into a less than idea situation. This is the guy who I have know for the past 7 years. Unfortunately, in living together I have gotten to see the whole other person in him. He has irrational anger over the smallest things and I never know how he will react. The same thing could happen ten times and you never know if he will react rationally or flip out. Initially I thought it was something along the lines of being bipolar but now that I'm thinking about it and have done more research(its amazing what all you forget after not being in college for a while), I am thinking it is more along the lines of PTSD.

I've looked on blogs and things that firefighter wives have written and it seems as though this issue is quite common, as are his habits and actions.

Anyway, after that long explanation….the problem I am having with it is that I am so on edge because of it, I am pretty much back to a place with my anxiety that I haven't been to since I stopped having to go to school. My migraines are back, nocturnal panic attacks are back, I'm constantly exhausted, etc.

I feel like it is impossible to explain to him why I'm so exhausted all the time because while he seems to somewhat understand that something isn't right, in the moment he still loses control. I know it is not intentional but it is wearing me down. Also, I feel as though he will think I am trying to make excuses.

I am just at a loss as to what to do. I don't think that expecting him to change or seek helpis an option for now. In his line of work they frown upon therapy or mental health treatment sadly. Unfortunately, I am scared that if I continue in this situation, I will just be putting myself into a downward spiral.

The scariest part is that I am somewhat stuck. I am not working and am far too embarassed to talk to my parents or family members about this. I'm just so unsure of what to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

3 Comments
  1. ThatDameJess 7 years ago

    I don\'t know you, but it sounds like you\'d be sacrificing your health if you didn\'t say anything to him. He\'s your husband and should want to do whatever he can to make sure you\'re happy and healthy.If he can\'t handle a conversation with you about how you feel, then it may be time to move on, unfortunately. i hope all works out for you!

    |
    0 kudos
  2. Foreverchanging 7 years ago

    How are you doing? It sounds like he is under a lot of stress. I sometimes react to things on impulse. It's something I'm trying to work on. You might be on with the PTSD

    |
    0 kudos
  3. veritas144k 4 years ago

    Anger and Irrational spontaneous response is a symptom of lying to oneself and fake communication with those around you. Fake by not being truthful with oneself and their significant other……You need to talk deeply about it. Not just tell me whats on your mind. No you need to break it down into a deep real conversation. Sometimes it takes a long time but it is a part of healing suppression.

    |
    0 kudos

Leave a reply

© 2021 WebTribes Inc. | find your tribe

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account