… "This is why I drink"…. Well THIS is why I drink. It is the only time I feel happy AT ALL and that is because everyone has either fucked me over or is treating me like shit and nobody understands my mental illness. My mental illness is what is pushing me off the deep end and I can't get well. So I turn to drinking. AND EATING which I never thought would be that big of a deal, but it is . It's a horrible addiction.

I got up today, put the Muppets on and got a rum and coke, some cheese and crackers, won tons and potato soup. I wanted to keep eating and drinking, but it's not even Friday yet. I have to save my booze and binges at least for the weekend.

I tried to keep myself busy by listing auctions on eBay. I am broke and after my last breakdown chopped off all of my hair. So now I need money bad to fix that it will cost hundreds to get me looking sort of human again…

So anyway, I got a Starbucks double shot (I love those but caffeine barely works at all for me, I am immune to it) and I listed stuff on eBay. I now have 16 auctions running.

I was begining to TEMPORARILY forget about my ex boyfriend, K and my ex guy friend J, and just absorbing myself into these auctions…

Well then my BEST and ONLY friend came online on FB which she rarely does. She is bi-polar and has had problems with alcohol in the past so we really relate to eachother well. But she can also be a mean sarcastic BITCH a lot of the time which does not help me. I told her I had 16 auctions running. Instead of congratulating me she made a snarky sarcastic remark about how hard that must be (because putting stuff up on ebay is SOOO much easier than having a real job) It hurt my feelings a lot but she is MY ONLY FRIEND LEFT HAAA other than booze and food, my 2 REAL best friends… too bad my 2 real best friends are making me SICK AND FAT, right?!!??!!

So great, my BFF is now putting me down and I have no where to turn for praise or for any kind of comfort or anything. And THIS is why I drink.