I gave myself a higher than normal mood rating today even though for most of the day I’ve been craving a drink. Not exactly sure what’s going on but I can visualize the drink in my hand and how good it would feel to have it. It’s thoughts like those, the difficult ones, the ones that stay on repeat in my mind, that cause me to stress the most. I’ve tried to discuss it with people I know but no one understands because they just cannot think like me. Which, and I constantly tell people this, they don’t want to. The best way I can explain to someone who doesn’t have to deal daily with OCD and anxiety issues is, “if you spent one minute in my head you would probably beg for a padded cell.” It just never shuts off, this endless stream of conscious thought. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night, obsessing over the most random things, and been unable to go back to sleep. Sometimes I focus so intently on something that I can even see it being played out as if it were on a movie screen. What I’m supposed to do in those moments I’m not really sure. I do know that I have to work it out for myself, as those in my family aren’t really the best supporters. Maybe it’s just because they don’t understand what it feels like, mentally and emotionally, to deal with this. Maybe it’s just because they don’t care. I really don’t know, because like they cannot be in my mind I cannot be in theirs either. I am trying to do the wellness activities, but I can’t really focus on them. I know they will help me redirect my thoughts to something more positive, but instead I feel a slight pressure to complete them, as if they were a homework assignment that was past due. I’m going to try harder to do them, but I’ve started not making promises to myself because I know how I feel when I can’t follow through with something I’ve decided to do.