I have done the move that I said would never happen. Now I am in the clutches again. Back in the firing line of duty, and feeling compelled to live up to expectation. No longer able to please myself.

How do I feel? Like I didnt have a choice really, Everything fell into place so easily that if I didnt take the offer up I would have been expelled from the family all together. In the past it was said that apparently I didnt need family????????? But I think that if family understood me and my depression I would ask them more for support. I have told them what is happening and been told to shake it off and stop being melodramatic. At times like those I feel like killing myself just to spite them but thats stupid and just anger talking. It wouldnt solve anything. So I rely on my friends that now I have moved far away from. AM I STUPID OR WHAT.

I seem to be still stuck in limbo, I have loads still to do to really settle in. (like unpacking) and here I am still sat here in my nightie. I have started to work here aswell and its far heavier than where I was before. The girls there are very clicky some are friendly and some dont even acknowledge that your standing there. Thank God for night shift. At least when there is only three of you its not so bad. I dont know how long my back and heart condition will let me continue there but Ill keep going as long as I can. I am the only one paying the rent so I really have to work.

Wll thats my life at the moment. One step at a time. Thats all I can force myself to take.


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