I feel wonderful, and so full of pride! I did get bad news yesterday, my therapist is leaving…so I will be going to another one, that I know, so it's okay. My therapist pretty much told me to leave Rodney, my bf, who Ilove, but he's an alcoholic…and it is an abusive relationship, as he gets shit faced and yells about a half an inch from my face that I am "a loser, whore, cheater, thief, cunt, bitch…." etc. Even tho' none of those things are true…I have never cheated, stolen…and I am none of those things…Idk….She said I'm like a boat with my sails up, and he's like a dead weight anchor holding down….I get it, I know it's true. But I've had a lot of trauma in my life, and I for some reason I can't let go. Plus, it doesn't help that I have no where else to live, no where to call my own….long story, but I was homeless in Vegas about a year ago…on the streets for about 4 months…..and he found me, and came and got me, rescued me really, and I feel indebted to him for that. And when he's drunk, he reminds me of that, which doesn't help. I am a very odd person….I always feel guilty, even if I didn't do anything to feel guilty about. It's all just part of my mental outlook/problems. I also don't feel worthy of love, even tho' I totally am…I just don't have a whole lot of self esteem…haven't really ever, and so, I am trying to learn to love myself…to feel worthy of being respected and treated nicely, kindlly and lovingly….but it is hard, after being this way for literally my whole life. Enough about that for now!!!!I have a wonderful, inspiring, fun, supportive day ahead of me, and most importantly I am sober!!!! 🙂 I have Bingo to go play at the Cafe, and then my co-occuring group…I have many friends there in recovery as well, so they are all very supportive, caring and fun to be around. I love being there! I am on a 3 week wait list to go to an inpatient rehab place….it costs $3,300 and medicaid, which I just qualified for won't cover it…you need $400 upfront when you go in….and I literally have $5 to my name, which I am going to spend on my last pack of cigarrettes, and then, I guess I have to quit that too, as I don't want to ask Rodney for any money, and I don't want to smoke his!! Oy vey, that's going to be rough!!!! I will cross that bridge when I get there!! I will be able to talk to a lady about funding for rehab today…..so hopefully she can help me find some resources for that. I also signed up to get a peer couselor, or whatever they call them yesterday, so hopefully they'll hook me up with one soon! One day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time….there is beer in the fridge, and I don't want one!!!! That is all that matters!! I am a survivor….and I have the inner strength to keep moving forward! GO JEN!!!!