I would be lost without the friends I have. There is no more time in my life to waste on trying to help people who are full of tricks and they are sometimes hard to spot. It's like The Serenity Prayer's last line…"the wisdom to know the difference"… I always think in my head (oh, that is the hard part) and it's because,for me, that is true. I have had alot of experience with bad people with ulterior motives in my life and whether it's naivety or a blind faith that there is good in all of humanity, I still don't know and must admit, i am 'baffled' …one of the promises that has, for the most part, come true in my life; I am baffled less and less. Live and Learn? I live, but don't always see yet another situation that is almost a carbon copy of many previous ones.

I hear people talk about 'it's a red flag' and that is something to really put it in my head… like, '3 red flags and you are out!'. Or maybe I should just save some time and make it one!! It is coming to that.
I have always been a very open and warm hearted person. I do not want to change but 'barriers' must be put in place to protect myself.
This program is largely directed at 'the male' and the open heartedness, we, as women, show can be easily misunderstood or taken advantage of (it is done so daily, in the groups. I see it) Not anymore for me. I tell men to speak to men about their problems until I get to know them a bit better and I love all people, men equally.
I am going on too long ; it's late in Holland for me and, those who know me, know I don't like to lie. A red flag has gone up for me.  I am, in my heart, a very good person, and I will protect this person to the death. And I will keep close those around me that I can help live a better life and, in turn help me to live my 'better life' too.
Last night was spent here in a homegroup with my good friends; people who don't want anything but the best for me, and I, for them. I speak here of women and men equally.
I wish I could be more specific about this issue but a 'red flag' is up and i have to speak in general terms. The bottom line is to protect myself like I was my own child yet nourish myself with the give and take of love and caring. We are all sharing this disease/planet…whatever.We are only human, though and that is what the 12 steps teaches me to deal with; to be a better human and help those that want to be helped. Everything happens for a reason, no matter how horrible it seems at the time; something good will come out of it. It must! We have that choice to make it so…. (sorry for the muddled blog), my thoughts are all over the place at the moment. But it is all happening as it should.(even the muddly blog?!)

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