I don’t think I want to be here anymore. I just want to move away somewhere. Away from everyone and everything. I just want to vanish. No one will miss me. They will forget about me within a week at the most. What do I matter to anyone? I mean nothing, I always have done and always will do. It is something I can’t escape from.
I just want to get away. I want to forget and be forgotten in turn.
Nothing seems ok anymore. Nothing has value. Not every inhale needs an exhale. It will happen once to people, sometimes more.
Food is just making the days seem longer. You end up consuming the seconds one by one. Waiting for a new day to arrive.
Water doesn’t drown out the thoughts and memories. They just end up drowning me.
Breathing seems pointless now. Sometimes when I breathe, it doesn’t even feel like I am inhaling anything. The air gets really thin, too thin to be able to breathe sometimes.
Sleep doesn’t come easy. If you sleep you have bad dreams. If you stay awake, all you can do is think.
Thinking isn’t a good thing to do. I don’t want to think. I want to stop my brain. I will tell it to stop. I will let it sleep.
I guess the experiences you go through in your life time are tests as to how strong you are. Even the strongest of buildings fall down after time. They start to crumble and rot. From the inside-out and from the outside-in. Either way, they fall.
Nothing is built to last forever. Forever doesn’t exist. It is just a meaningless word.
Just like all the other words. They have no real meaning. They are just labels we gave to something.
Everything is meaningless.
Nothing has a purpose, even though they are there.
Life is anything far from those movies. Things like that don’t exist.
There is no bad guy.
Love doesn’t win.
There are no good and evil sides.
Everyone is either predominantly evil, or good. It depends which part you discover first.
If you discover your evil side first, it will be the part of you that will develop.
There is nothing to life.
Life is a con man.
You have to work to get money.
You have to pay that money that you earned from working, back to life.
Then you go to work again, just to give the money back.
It is so wrong.
We didn’t choose to be born, so why should we have to pay.
I wish I could have chosen if I could have been born.
I would have probably picked no.
But if I picked yes, I would have also liked to have picked how I would be and how I would live.
Knowing me though, I would have to have picked the bad life because everyone else would have the good one.
And then I would be just here.
JUST here. ONLY here.
Nothing important.
Just someone.
A person in a crowd.
Nothing that stands out.
That is why I shouldn’t be here.
If I was gone, someone else, a someone, someone important, who stand out of the crowd, could be here instead.
Not me.
I have nothing to give the world.
I know that. Everyone else knows that about me too.
Another painting on the wall of fame.
Another crown on the wall of shame.
Another person has fallen.
Will I be next?
I think so. I hope so.
I hope so, so that no one will have to cope with me anymore.
They won’t have to pretend anymore.
Things will get better for them.
I really do feel sorry for them. Imagine how it must be for them to even be in the same room as me.
It must be so horrible for them.
I’m done with this.
My final conclusion is that I do not want to be here anymore.
