I turn to this site again to express my feelings, which they aren’t always happy I guess. My unwanted thoughts haven’t gone away, in fact they have now taking permanent stay in my head. My depression is getting worse, I feel like a burden and more like I’m worthless. I know those that respond to this are going to say I’m not worthless, don’t even waste your time typing those words. The reason I feel so worthless is I can’t do anything right at all, whenever my parents ever introduce us to people they always say how my older sister is in this public honors college and my twin can draw these amazing things, but when it comes to me they just say this is the other twin, not even saying something I can do, not that I can do anything anyways. Whenever I do something someone must change it some way, people even just talk over me like I’m not even there.
And to add to my mental pain comes physical pain, I’ve been having so many headaches that I can’t count how many I’ve had this week. I just really wish that I could go someplace else where I can feel like I’m actually worth getting to know. I wish I was at a place where people would want to take another look at me and say I’m a somebody and not some ghost, even my best friend sees me as a ghost. I want to be the person that can get a chance to speak and will be listened to. I a place where I am not worthless.
There is a somebody that is special to me, that always listens to me and always tries to help me when something goes wrong. I can’t thank him enough, I wish he lived near me, so that maybe I can get a special hug. But even he isn’t enough to fill the gap left by everyone else.