My husband is driving me crazy. He says that all my problems are not real. He accuses me of using my arthritis as an excuses to not do more work. I have fiber mialgia and theres not a day without pain some are worse than others but at times its painful just to walk or sit. I have lived my whole life as another person never letting any one see the real me i've hide my pains my sadness just so no one would be put out and have to help me. When I got married I was the perfect wife I waited on my husband hand and foot he never had to lift a finger to care for himself he hollered frog and i ask how high. all I ever wanted was his love He claims I keep him broke which i can not see i supported him when he had no job and every time he wanted to try something new i was there to support him even when it ment living in a bus and at one point a house made out shipping crates for 15 years i had no clothing i was allowed to buy 3 pair of jogging pants a year we had no water i took baths in the snow because i had to carry water in 5 gallon buckets from my brothers house and living in a bus there was no place to bathe yeah i was after the money. It hurts to give your whole life to someone to the point your body and mind cant take anymore and they one day look you in the eye and call you a lier and say that you never cared about them and when you gave so much that your body is old before its time and your no longer pretty or worth anything they just walk away and leave you to wonder what are your going to do. I,m lonely but I,m to old and ugly and have so many health problems that no one would ever want me so i,m cursed to spending the rest of my life alone and i'm scared and have no one to hold me love me to tell me that i am good enough to live in this world. What am i to do to cope with this blow? And why in the name of God do i still love this man why when i,m just so tired my tired hurting and being alone i,m tired of living a lie  i,ve lied so long I don't know who i am or ever was I'm tired of being used and allowing it, I'm tired of failing when i don't even know what the test is. I'm lost and have no hope to find the way out of this darkness and i'm to tired to try.



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