3/09/07, i went out earlier. i had a great time.

Amy and her son picked me up around 12pm and we went to mcdonalds. Her son got a happy meal, and i got a 10 piece chicken mcnuggets for my niece. Amy and her son went in, i stayed in the jeep. We then went to dunkin donuts and i bought Amy a french vanilla iced coffee, a hot chocolate (with extra whipped cream) for my mom, also a blueberry muffin for my mom, and i got a decaf blueberry iced coffee for myself. We went through the drive thru.

Amy parked the jeep, and we chilled for about an hour. we listened to some music. It was a lot like last time. 🙂

i’m feeling good. i’m glad to be getting out of the house more. i’m going to walmart tomorrow with my parents and niece (continuing my exposure therapy) and i’m looking forward to it.

3/10/07, i was feeling good this morning, but then i felt bad, and then later on, i felt better. an up and down day.

we went out today. we went to the auto sales place, because my dad makes weekly payments there. my mom said, when i’m ready, i should get a car there. i don’t drive yet (but i want to learn soon)… we then went to dunkin donuts, and i got a decaf blueberry iced coffee, and a breakfast sandwich.

then, it was on to walmart (we didn’t go to the target store or the gardening supply place this week)

Amy and i exchanged some text messages. walmart was good. it was crowded, but it was good. i walked around with my niece, and we looked at a lot of stuff. i bought my younger niece some easter candy, and also a disney tinkerbell storybook that comes with stickers.

we were in walmart for about an hour, and i didn’t experience any anxiety. it was nice. i stayed away from the food section (i decided not to go near there this week)… since i had been having anxiety attacks in that section the previous 2 or 3 weeks.

walmart went well though. i decided to also skip the check-out section (my parents went and checked out everything)

i’m not exhausted (because of no anxiety attacks from this experience)

3/11/07, Today was a great day. The weather is nice here. nice weather, puts me in a good mood.

my parents, niece, and i went to Niantic, CT and we put some fresh flowers on some gravesites of family members who have passed on.

Then, we went to Old Lyme, CT and went to the Sound View Beach. it was so nice there. we walked around (there were other people there too)… i was thinking about Amy, and i picked up a couple seashells for her, and a little rock (that looks a blue-ish color, especially when the sun shines on it)

we were at the beach for a little while, about 30 minutes. Then, we stopped to get some lottery tickets. i didn’t go in, but my mom, she buys them and i asked her if she could pick me up a few $1 lottery tickets.

During the day, Amy and i were exchanging text messages. On our way home, i asked her what time she works, and she said 3pm, and we got home around 2pm. i called Amy, and i asked her if she’d like to go out and get an iced coffee before she went to work, and she said sure. She came and picked me up. i gave her the 2 seashells and the “blue-ish” colored rock, and she likes it, and i also gave her two $1 lottery tickets and we went to dunkin donuts. We each got an iced coffee, and then she drove me back. We talked for a few minutes, and she won a $1 on one of the lottery tickets. i thanked her for the ride, and everything, and she then went to work.

great day!

3/12/07, Amy called me earlier, and asked me if i’d like to join her, her son, her friend, and her friend’s daughter and go out for the day. To walmart, and out to lunch, and to Toys R us, and then to the park.

i turned down the offer, and felt so bad about it.

i was feeling low earlier, and asked my mom if she’d like to go for a walk around the neighborhood, and my mom, sister, and i ended up going for a walk around the neighborhood. it was nice, getting out. i felt bad still, but the walk helped me feel a little better.

i exchanged some text messages with Amy, and she called me after 2pm, and told me, that they’re going to go to the park and wanted to know, if i was sure that i didn’t want to go. i thought about it for a minute, and decided, that i do want to go, and it would be good for me. i said, ok. sure!

so, around 3:30pm, Amy, her son, and Amy’s friend and her friend’s daughter, came by to pick me up. Amy gave me a stuffed animal (monkey)… she’s so sweet. We went to a school playground (almost like a park) and it was nice. the kids played, and Amy, her friend, and i chatted. it was nice meeting Amy’s friend Brandy, and her and i shook hands. i made eye contact, and we sat down there on the benches, and talked. i didn’t talk much, but i did talk some, and we had some good laughs while talking.

i told Amy, i said, thank you for calling me up and asking me again, because getting out of the house is really good for me. Amy was so glad i came.

we left there around 4:30pm, and i told Amy’s friend Brandy, that it was nice meeting her.

i shouldn’t have gotten all bent out of shape earlier, and i shouldn’t let little things get me down. even though earlier i was feeling bad, it turned out to be a decent day. it was nice getting out of the house. no anxiety too, i’m surprised. Meeting new people, usually gives me some anxiety. i met Amy’s friend, and even shook hands with her.

i hope everyone is having a nice day.

ps, Amy and i went down one of the slides together! lol and we also went on the swings! lol most fun i’ve had in a long time

3/16/07, Amy and i went out for coffee yesterday. We had a nice time.

i also went to walmart yesterday. it wasn’t a bad experience in walmart, but it wasn’t a great experience either. i didn’t really want to be there… i was just there, to be there… i looked at some stuff, but i was so bored, and didn’t want to have an anxiety attack (i felt one coming on)… so i decided to skip the check-out and everyone else checked out.

the experience wasn’t bad, but wasn’t great… i hope next time i go into walmart, that it’s a better experience. some anxiety i experienced, but no anxiety or panic attacks.

3/20/07, i’ve experienced a lot of ups and downs the past 2 days. i’m trying to think about the positive.

Today, i went into 3 public places, including a visit to Amy’s workplace. She was surprised to see me! the smile on her face, i’ll always remember.

Best buy (no anxiety)

Subway Restaurant (to visit Amy) (no anxiety)

Walmart (no anxiety)

3/21/07, Amy and her son picked me up around 11:30am today, and we went to dunkin donuts (drive thru)… my mom gave me $10 because she wanted to pay for everything. it was very nice of her. It’s free iced coffee day at dunkin donuts, so Amy and i got 2 free iced coffees, and 5 donut holes (munchins) for her son, and Amy got a breakfast sandwich, and i got a cookie for my mom, my niece, and i, and a hot chocolate for my mom.

Amy, her son, and i then went for a ride. it was really nice. Amy drove us around, and she showed me where she grew up. She showed me her first home, and also showed me where her parents live, and it was just so nice and relaxing, riding around and talking. we drove around, for over an hour. It was awesome. 🙂

Amy gave me a package of white chocolate for my mom. My mom said that Amy is sweet, and she looks forward to getting to know her more too.

later on, my mom, sister, and 2 nieces and i went to walmart, and i went in. it went alright. my legs were restless, but i didn’t let it ruin my shopping experience. no anxiety inside walmart.

i bought something for Amy. i’m gonna give it to her tomorrow. 🙂

after walmart, Amy called me and we talked. She wanted to know if i was gonna go into the gas station to get a lottery ticket. i said, “ok”… hehe and i did. i went in. no anxiety inside the gas station.

after that, i talked to Amy. Amy’s proud of me for going into two public places. 🙂

Amy’s treating me to lunch tomorrow (it’s my birthday)… i look forward to it. 🙂

ps, i got 3 free iced coffees from dunkin donuts today. hehehe 🙂

3/22/07, i turned 26 today.

i really enjoyed my birthday. 🙂

Amy and her son picked me up around 11:30am and we went to have lunch. Amy said, she was treating, and i could go anywhere i wanted. Amy gave me a sweet happy birthday card that she made, and it had a special message inside. She also gave me 3 oatmeal raisin cookies that she baked for me. 🙂

We went to dairy queen, and we went in! Amy’s son got a kid’s meal, and Amy and i each had a chicken sandwich value meal. We ate in the car, and it was nice. We enjoyed our lunch. We then went to dunkin donuts and Amy bought my mom a hot chocolate and an iced coffee for herself and i. She parked in “our spot” and we chilled and enjoyed our iced coffee.

I thanked Amy for everything. 🙂

my family got me some nice presents. dvds, clothes, money/gift cards, and some goodies (snacks)

my niece got me a brownie sundae from friendley’s. 🙂

My family and i then went to papa gino’s. It was great! i didn’t experience any anxiety. We had pizza, and french fries, and got all the drinks we wanted.

3/23/07, Amy, her son, and i went shopping today at walmart (the super center walmart)

We went to the dunkin donuts drive thru. Amy bought herself and i each an iced coffee. We then went to mcdonalds and she bought a happy meal for her son, and we then went to walmart.

Amy and i held hands as we walked into the store. When i go into walmart, i usually send Amy a text message saying “wish you were here holding my hand, i’m going into the store”… so it was nice, holding her hand, and walking into the store with her. 🙂

it wasn’t crowded in the store (saturday’s are usually always busy)… i was thankful it wasn’t busy today. inside the store, Amy and i held hands a few times, and put our arms around eachother.

Amy pushed the shopping cart around, and i actually pushed the shopping cart around a little too. As we were walking past the hardware area, i experienced some anxiety. no anxiety attack, but i did experience some anxiety.

Amy picked up some things she needed, and we then went and Amy placed an order for a birthday cake for her son. in the bakery area, i felt like two people were staring at me, and i experienced some anxiety. no anxiety, but i did experience some anxiety again.

We then went to the check out, and i didn’t experience any anxiety at the check out.

When we were in the car, Amy knew i experienced some anxiety in the store. She mentioned that she noticed there were a couple times when she knew i was experiencing some anxiety. She mentioned that i got a little red in the face at those times. She said, she’s proud of me for going into the store, and was glad that i joined her and her son and went shopping. i’m so glad i can talk to her about my anxiety, and i feel comfortable talking to her about it.

even though i experienced some anxiety, it was a nice experience. i did enjoy shopping with Amy and her son. i hope we all can go shopping some more.

3/26/07, Today is, Amy’s son’s birthday (they had a party on saturday), but since her friend Brandy and her daughter, and i didn’t come, Amy thought it would be nice to go out for lunch today at papa ginos.

Amy and her son picked me up around 12:10pm and we drove to papa ginos.

i got Amy’s son, the “spider man 2” dvd for his birthday.

We arrived at papa ginos, and waited for her friend Brandy and her daughter to arrive. Once they arrived, we all went in. it wasn’t very busy, and i did alright. Amy ordered the food, and we then got our drinks and i experienced no anxiety, but once we got to our table, i felt like everyone was staring. i didn’t have an anxiety attack, but i did experience some anxiety, and i read a papa ginos promotional paper about jobs working there that was on the table twice while we were waiting for our food.

our food was ready, and a worker brought it over to us. it was very nice of the worker. We thanked the worker. We then ate. We had pizza and cheese breadsticks. it was delicious. i enjoyed eating. We talked for a little while, and then left. Amy and her son brought me home.

i thanked Amy, and told her that i was glad i came. i was. it was good for me to go into the restaurant with them and enjoy a meal.

tomorrow, i’m going to visit my old high school. i’m going up there with my sister to visit some teachers, and to walk around a little bit, to say good bye to the old school, as the school is moving to a new location next year.

3/27/07, my sister and i visited our old high school today. it was nice. i enjoyed visiting, and i didn’t have any anxiety attacks.

we arrived there early, and around 1:55pm, we went in and we were greeted by a former teacher. we then went upstairs to the second floor, and i saw my former english teacher. i said, “hey, i forgot my book!” hehehe and she laughed, and she said, “Chris, right” and i say, hey, you remember! we talked for a minute, and then my sister and i went to visit our former economics teacher. He knows about my ocd, depression, social anxiety, and has been supportive. We shook hands, and he asked me if i wanted to look at the old classroom, and i said, sure, and he said, there are some people in there, are you ok?” and i said, “yes”… and we went in, and there were some people there waiting for the bell to ring. i didn’t experience any anxiety walking in. the room changed so much since i’ve last seen it. There’s so many computers, and no desks. They have these round tables, and i was amazed, at how much things changed. i mentioned, that i’ll be coming to the “decades reunion” in August 2007.

after visiting with our former economics teacher, my sister and i were about to leave, but i thought i’d go visit my former graphics communications shop teachers. We walked that way, and i saw my former shop teacher. He said, “hey, Chris, right” and i said, “yes”. He said, “hey, you’ve lost weight!”. i talked with him for a minute, and i then asked where the other shop teacher was, and he said maybe in the shop. so i went there with my sister, and no one was there, but i look inside the old theory room, and there were so many computers! it changed so much.

my sister and i then walked down the hall, and in the lobby, we saw the other shop teacher, and we talked with him for about 5 minutes.

it was nice seeing former teachers.

i told them, i’ll come again and visit sometime.

i made sure i was making eye contact, and i was doing well speaking. it was nice to be back there again, and i’m gonna miss that old high school when they tear it down. They’re relocating soon.

3/29/07, just not feeling right lately. thursday’s are the day when some of my family goes to the bank and walmart, but today i just wasn’t looking forward to it… just feeling down.

i told my mom, i said, that i just don’t feel like going into walmart today even though i should, and she said, awww come on, come in with us. She’s being supportive. i appreciate it too. so, i ended up going, even though i really didn’t want too. i know it’s good for my exposure therapy.

i went in, no anxiety walking in. my niece and i looked at the candy area and the food area. i bought my niece some candy, and i bought myself some Triscuits (cracked pepper & olive oil flavor)

i didn’t feel like standing in the check out line. i did well in the store, and didn’t experience any anxiety. i was just feeling down, and it’s hard for me to enjoy doing something when i’m feeling down.

my niece and i went outside, and my mom, sister, and other niece checked out. We then drove to dunkin donuts (drive thru) and i got a small decaf blueberry iced coffee with one sugar.

4/1/07, yesterday (3/31/07) before we went shopping, my depression just hit me, and i felt really down. i felt hopeless. i dislike, how sometimes i am motivated, and then depression can make me feel like doing nothing.

i went out though, and had a mood changing experience from going shopping, and i am surprised.

i enjoyed shopping inside walmart. i was looking at the easter stuff, because i wanted to buy easter stuff for everyone.

walmart was really crowded, and today, i didn’t dodge the crowded aisles, i went down those aisles!

i saw people looking at me, but the good thing, i didn’t experience any anxiety inside the store, and i’m just surprised right now, that i did so well. i can’t really believe it, it’s incredible how i went into the store depressed, and while inside the store, my mood changed, from depressed, to happy.

inside the store, my niece and i went to look for my parents in the food area. we found them on an aisle, that was crowded. my niece said, do you want to go around another aisle? i said, no, i’d like to go down this aisle (a crowded one!) hehe and i said, “i’ll lead the way!”

it was a surge of confidence, as i went down that aisle, and my parents were there. first thing i told my mom, i said, “i’m doing well”.

i skipped the check-out, because overall, my experience was good. next time, i will go through the check-out. my niece was nice enough to check-out the stuff i bought, and i bought my niece some candy.

i went outside and i waited in the car while everyone was checking out. i called Amy, and told her i had a good experience. She could tell, how happy i was. She said, “you’re smiling! i know you are”, and i said, “yes i am”

4/2/07, we all went to the local walmart, and it was very busy. i walked around the store with my niece. we were near the food section, and my niece walked a little ahead of me, and it was near the end of an aisle, and there were people going by, and i felt much anxiety, and i quietly said, “excuse me”… those social situations, are hard for me. i don’t know how to react. i felt like i was standing in the way.

it wasn’t my niece’s fault. she had no idea that at the end of the aisle, there were many people, and normally it wouldn’t bother me if she walked ahead a little bit, it was just that it was very crowded, and i had an anxiety attack. i had to leave the store.

even though it was a bad experience, i can learn from it.

4/4/07, i’m having a nice day. i’m doing well. 🙂

i bought some nice easter bowls at walmart last weekend, and some candy for Amy and her son. i put the candy in the easter bowls, and Amy and her son picked me up today around 12pm. i gave them each an easter bowl with candy in it.

We then went to starbucks. There’s a new shopping center and inside the stop N shop, there’s a starbucks. We went in there. it was really nice. i didn’t exerience any anxiety. it wasn’t crowded, but while we were ordering, some other’s were lining up behind us, but i remained calm, and i did well. i didn’t experience any anxiety. Amy got a white chocolate mocha drink, her son got a cinnamon twist pastry, and a bottle of water. i got a hot chocolate for my mom, and a regular iced coffee for myself, and Amy and i selected a blueberry scone to share. i gave the person who was working there the money, and they gave me back my change. i was interacting. i said “thank you”.

we then went to get the cream and sugar for my iced coffee. while i was putting some cream and sugar in my coffee, Amy was stuffing my left pocket with sweet n low packets and packets of honey. hehe she’s so cute! She said, “hey, it’s free!” 🙂

we then left, and even though it was raining, we drove to the local park. On the way to the park, Amy and i shared the blueberry scone. it was delicious. We chilled in the car at the park. There’s a nice little water fall there. they fixed the park up really nice. Amy and her son each had their Nintendo DS, so we played Nintendo DS for a little while and we talked. it was fun.

Amy had put her headlights on, because it was raining. When we were ready to leave, her car wouldn’t start! She called her mom, but her mom couldn’t make it over there to give us a jump for the car battery, so we sat there for about 5 minutes, thinking about what we could do. Amy mentioned that the park security usually is around, but they weren’t. Then, thankfully! two guys in a truck showed up. They worked for a wiring business. Amy went and asked them if they could give us a jump for her car battery, and they said sure. They were having their lunch, and it was very nice of them to come give us a jump for the car battery. She got her car started, and then she drove me home.

i told her i had a nice time and thanked her for the ride.

ps, i like starbucks coffee. it’s good. it’s something new. usually i just have dunkin donuts, so it was nice having some starbucks coffee.

4/5/07, we all went to walmart earlier, and i am fine.

it was crowded there, and i felt uncomfortable entering the store. i told my mom, i said i’m just not feeling right today, and i didn’t feel like being in the store, but i still went in and looked around. my niece and i were looking around, and we met up with my mom, sister, and my other niece and i really just wanted to leave the store, but i remained calm, and i said, let’s go look at the food section. so my niece and i went to the food section. it was quite busy, and i don’t know how to really describe it, but i felt this sudden urge of energy, and i didn’t want to leave the store. we looked around some more, and we came to the same aisle where i had an anxiety the other day. i mentioned it to my niece, and said, this is the spot where i had the anxiety attack.

we then decided to go look for my mom, sister, and my other niece again, and we couldn’t find them anywhere. we were walking near the arts and crafts area, and there was the same situation at the end of an aisle which i faced the other day. people were walking by there. i calmly stopped, and waited patiently for them to walk by. i didn’t experience any anxiety.

we couldn’t find my mom, sister, and my other niece, so we left the store and went out to the car. inside walmart, our cell phones wouldn’t work… so once we got outside, our cell phones were working again and we found out that my mom, sister, and other niece went into the Big Y supermarket.

inside the car, i talked to Amy on the phone.

We all then drove to Brooks Pharmacy, and my mom asked me if i wanted to come in. i was feeling confident, so i said yes. i hadn’t been in that pharmacy, in years! my mom, niece, and i went in. it wasn’t crowded. we bought some easter cards there for my grandma, and i even went to the checkout this time, and it went well. i didn’t look down. i looked at the candy there too.

we then came home, and i called Amy, and told her i went into Brooks Pharmacy too, and she said she’s proud of me. 🙂

i’m taking it easy now, and relaxing. i made it through some more social situations today. i did it!

i’m feeling great right now. 🙂

4/7/07, my parents, two nieces, and i went to target earlier. it was quite busy and i was surprised, because it was early… i did alright walking into the store. looked at the food section, and also looked at the easter stuff, and the electronics area. i looked at a lot of stuff. there were a few times in the store, when i experienced some anxiety. there were a lot of people looking at the easter stuff, and i admit, i did avoid that area as much as i could.

there was a moment, where i felt lightheaded, and i just calmly stopped, and looked at the car merchandise aisle. i thought i may be experiencing a panic attack. i was ok though.

we went back to the food section, and there were some times, when the aisles were crowded, and the aisles are small, and there’s not much room, but i tried my best to remain calm, and i even talked to someone, and said, “excuse me” as i pushed our shopping cart out of the way.

i was gonna skip the checkout and go out to the car, but i stayed inside and went through the checkout as my parents checked out. it was really hard, but i didn’t have any anxiety attacks. the exerpience inside target tired me out. we came home, and my dad had to go into work, and my mom, sister, and two nieces went to shoprite and brooks pharmacy, and i’m taking it easy right now. i called Amy and we talked for a little while.

i’m going to walmart in a little while. i’m feeling good enough, and i didn’t get any easter stuff at target, so i have to go to walmart to get some. i asked my mom if she’ll help me out in there, because it’s probably gonna be really busy.

i’m ok though, and i’ve been resting and preparing myself mentally to go to walmart.

i just got home. 🙂

i’m alright! and i’m really happy right now, because, i just went into walmart, and it was the most crowded i’ve ever seen it, and i did well. 🙂

i bought some stuff for easter, and i looked around a lot. There were many social situations, and i did well. i made eye contact with some people, and i even went to the checkout with everyone. i even looked at the lady that was the cashier at our checkout, and i smiled, and she was a nice lady. No anxiety inside walmart! i was surprised, because it was so busy.

my mom, sister, and one of my nieces went to try to win some stuffed animals. They have that “crane game” there, where you can win stuffed animals. my niece won 3 and my sister won 1.

i told my mom i was going out, and my niece joined me and i pushed the shopping cart outside and pushed it across the parking lot and all the way to our car. normally i wouldn’t do something like that, but i did.

i called Amy while i was in the car, and talked for a few minutes.

target, was harder today than walmart, but i’m learning how to deal with my anxiety, and i’m making progress.

i’m relaxing now, and getting everything ready for Easter. i got everyone gifts. 🙂

4/8/07, i did some unexpected exposure therapy today, and it went well, and i enjoyed it.

my family and i had an early easter dinner around 1:00pm, and my mom said, everyone is going to the Mohegan Sun and asked me if i’d like to go. i said, ok. i haven’t been down there since last June, and i thought, hey, i’ve been doing well, and i’d like to join everyone, so i went. i called Amy and told her that i was going to the Mohegan Sun with my family.

It went well. We were in there for over an hour, and i even played the slot machines! i lost $20. i played $10 on one machine, and i noticed i missed one call, and it was Amy (i couldn’t hear my phone ringing)… so i called her back, and apologized, and explained that i couldn’t hear my phone ringing. the slot machines were making all sorts of noises. Amy said it’s ok! and she asked me how i was doing, and i said i’m doing well. i told Amy that i wish she was there with us, and she said, her and i will definitely come to the casino together sometime. i look forward to that. She asked me if i was gonna play the slot machines anymore, and i said, yes. She said, pick out a lucky machine. i said, ok. i played this 50 cent slot machine, and i was talking to Amy while playing. i didn’t have much luck on that machine, so i decided to go over to where my mom and my sister were playing, and i sat down at another machine (25 cent machine) and i played some more. i did a play, and won 30 quarters! i was excited, and Amy was happy. i kept playing, and didn’t win anymore. i was watching my mom play, and my mom was winning! she was winning 50 quarters, and 40 quarters, and my mom said that Amy was bringing her good luck and that she wished Amy was with us. Amy was happy to hear that.

i talked to Amy some more, and i was done playing the slot machines. i lost $20, and was just watching everyone else play. A waitress was walking around giving out drinks, and asked me if i wanted one, and i kindly said “no thank you”

Amy and i talked for a little while longer. it was nice talking to her, while i was in a social situation. The casino was crowded (it probably always is crowded)… i was doing well. i was enjoying the experience.

we walked around a little bit, and my dad played the nickel slots, and at one point, he had about 700 nickels, but ended up losing it. my sister, she was having some luck.

none of us won big, but it was fun, and it was great exposure therapy for me. the place was crowded, i was walking around, looking around, and noticing ,that people weren’t looking at me. i felt good, and i was glad that i was able to enjoy the experience. there were a few minutes, where i experienced a little anxiety, but nothing much. i was glad. i was happy it went well.

when we got home, i called Amy, and she told me that she was happy that i went there, and had a good time. it made me smile, that she said she was happy, because she knows how hard i’ve been working on being more social.

i’m relaxing now, and watching some tv. it’s been a great weekend of exposure therapy, and i even had some fun. 🙂

4/9/07, today’s been a great day. 🙂

this morning, Amy mentioned that her, her son, and her friend Brandy, and Brandy’s daughter were going shopping to walmart, and asked me if i’d like to come. i didn’t know really, if i wanted too. after thinking about it for a little while, i decided that i would go with them.

Amy, her son Reilly, Brandy, and Brandy’s daughter Jade picked me up around 12:15pm. Amy gave me some nature valley blueberry yogurt bars, and some cookies from mcdonalds! Amy’s so sweet! i gave Amy some folgers vanilla biscotti coffee. We then went to wendy’s drive thru, and everyone got something to eat. We then drove to the mobile gas station and we ate in the parking lot there (because there weren’t any parking spots in the wendy’s parking lot)

Then, we drove to walmart. all five of us went in, and first looked at the soap area. Amy and her friend Brandy were playing bumper cars with the shopping carts! lol… Brandy had to do grocery shopping, so we all walked to the food section and Amy and i held hands. We went down, all the aisles in the food area. i didn’t experience any anxiety inside walmart. i remained calm in situations that normally would have caused me anxiety, and i did well.

We were nearing the check-out area, and i recieved a text message from a member on dailystrength.org (Melissa, she has social anxiety) and she and i had planned to talk to eachother on the phone today. She asked me if it was a good time to talk, and i said, yes, and she called me. It was nice hearing from her. i talked to Melissa while we were checking out, and i told her we were at walmart and at the check-out. Melissa even talked to Amy for a minute. Amy told Melissa how she got me to go to walmart today. Melissa and i talked for a few minutes.

Amy bought some hershey’s chocolate mint sticks for my mom, and Amy had no idea, that my mom bought her some hershey’s caramel sticks the other day for her.

In the walmart parking lot, i gave Amy a hug, and a kiss on her cheek, and i gave her another hug, and she kissed my cheek. 🙂

After walmart, we all went to dunkin donuts, and Amy, Brandy, and i each got an iced coffee and a hot chocolate for my mom. Amy paid. She’s so sweet. They then drove me home.

my mom came outside and Amy gave my mom the hershey’s sticks, and my mom gave Amy some hershey’s sticks, and my mom hugged Amy. 🙂

i talked to my mom about the shopping experience, and hold her it went well.

i then did a workout, and i’m relaxing now. Today’s been great. 🙂

4/11/07, Today’s been a nice day. i went out today.

Amy invited my mom and i to go to lunch today at the chinese buffet. i told my mom, that Amy invited us, but my mom had some shopping to do today, and my mom felt bad that she wouldn’t be joining us. my mom said, definitely sometime soon she’ll join us.

i talked to Amy about me going, and how i am nervous, because it’s usually busy at that place. Amy didn’t pressure me to go, she was kind, and said it’s up to me. i decided, since i really wanted too, that i would go.

Amy, her son, her friend Brandy, and Brandy’s daughter, and i all went to the chinese buffet around 12:45pm. it wasn’t that crowded. We were seated near the front. The waistress asked us what we’d like to have to drink. when it was my turn to let the waistress know, i kindly said water.

We then went to get our food. i did well. i walked past a lot of people who were seated and eating, and i didn’t experience much anxiety. Amy was walking right in front of me, and i was focused on getting to the food area, so that i could make my selections. We all got our food, and walked back to our table. on the way back to the table, Amy and i were talking to eachother, which keep me focused, and i didn’t worry about whether or not people were staring at me. We all sat down and enjoyed our meal.

it was nice. we were there for about an hour, and it was a nice experience. i’m so glad that i didn’t give in to my nervousness, and that i went and i enjoyed it.

4/12/07, rainy day here. i did a workout earlier.

my family and i went to walmart today, and i had a bad experience. i’m not gonna dwell on what made the experience bad. just that i need to focus more. i wasn’t focused today, and i let the anxiety get the best of me.

i’m not gonna let the experience get me down. i know next time, that things can go much better.

Positive thinking from now on.

4/13/07, i relaxed today. i really needed a day to just relax, and to gather my thoughts, and to evaluate the positive things i’ve accomplished and how i’m not gonna let the bad experience yesterday effect my determination. yesterday in walmart, was my worst experience (anxiety wise) i’ve had since beginning my exposure therapy… i’m ok though, and i enjoyed a nice relaxing today and i did a lot of positive thinking today.

Amy and her son picked me up around 1:30pm and we went to taco bell/kfc (drive thru) and then we went to dunkin donuts (drive thru) and spent some time chillin in the parking lot of dunkin donuts.

tomorrow, i am going shopping.

4/14/07, i went shopping today with my parents and my niece at the super center walmart. it went well. there were a few moments, where i experienced some anxiety. but overall, i did well. i even looked at the video games. i’m relaxing, and taking it easy the rest of today.

i’m emotionally and physically spent right now… the exposure therapy is tough work, and the anxiety exhausts me. i know i must keep on trying hard though. i’ve made progress, and i don’t want to fall back down again… i’m gonna keep on trying.

4/15/07, today’s been a nice day (even though it’s raining)

my parents, niece, and i went to the mall today (sears) and it was nice there. we looked at the clothes, and i even got 2 new shirts. the best thing, was no anxiety.

i’ve been talking to my mom and Amy about my exposure therapy, and they both have told me, that i shouldn’t worry about the possible anxiety, and just think of it, as shopping (when i go into stores) and when i go into restaurants (just think of it as going to eat)… i believe, i’ve been worryig too much, about possible anxiety, and i believe this is true, (more than one person has told me this)… i’ve been trying too hard. it’s true… so, i am going into public places now, with a more relaxed approach, and it’s helping me.

i was talking to Amy about the other day, and how i was nervous about the chinese buffet being possibly crowded, and i told her, i shouldn’t have been worrying about that, but what i should have been worrying about, is what i was gonna eat! 🙂

so, i am thinking more positive, and trying to go into stores, ignoring the fact, that i have social anxiety.

just one step at a time.

after we got home from the mall, i called Amy, and her and i planned on going to get coffee today. She picked me up around 2pm and we went to dunkin donuts (drive thru) and we got coffee. we then chilled in the parking lot there for about 45 minutes. it was nice. we talked, and listened to music. She then brought me home because she had to go to work.

things are going well right now, and i’m feeling good about the progress i’ve made with my exposure therapy.

4/21/07, today’s been a good day. it’s really nice outside here. we went to walmart, and i bought a b-day card for my nephew, and i did well in walmart. overall, things went well, and there wasn’t much anxiety.

after walmart, we came home and got ready for the b-day party. we had the b-day party. it was nice. we then went to the chinese buffet, and i did well. it wasn’t busy. i went up and got my food, and i enjoyed eating. i didn’t experience any anxiety at the chinese buffet.

later on during the day, i talked to Amy. her and her family went to the park today, and she said it was fun. She asked me if we were still going for coffee, and i said, yes, i am looking forward to it.

around 4:15, Amy came and picked me up and we went to dunkin donuts and i bought her an iced coffee, and got one for myself. We chilled at dunkin donuts for about 30 minutes. She then brought me home, because she works at 5:30 today. We enjoyed spending time with eachother. Her and i are gonna go get some iced coffee tomorrow, and if the weather is nice on monday, we’ll go to the park.

the temperature reached 80 degrees outside here today.

i hope everyone is having a nice day.

4/23/07, i just got back from going for a walk with my mom and sister. i enjoyed the walk. i did some thinking while walking. i am gonna increase my exposure therapy to overcome my social anxiety.

i am refocused now. i want to interact with people more. i am gonna go into places, and always go through the check out, and i am gonna make eye contact, and every opportunity i get to talk to people, like saying “thank you”, or “excuse me”, i am gonna take advantage of the opportunity.

as i always have, i will post updates here.

4/24/07, it’s nice outside here, and i just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get outside, and do some yardwork, and i even did some planting. (sunflowers)

one of my nieces, she’s 5. she gets all excited about the nice weather, because the past 2 years, we have planted sunflowers (dwarf sunflowers) in the planting pots that are on the front of her little playhouse. we planted 2 dwarf sunflowers, and i also planted 3 other dwarf sunflowers in a planting pot which we have on our front tree. i planted 3. 1 for Amy, 1 for her son, and 1 for me. i told Amy, and she thinks it’s very nice.

it was really nice spending some time outside.

i had lunch, then later, i did a workout, and i also got an iced coffee from Tim Horton’s earlier, so today is going really well.

my mom, sister, and i went to the gas station to get some lottery tickets. i decided to go in, because, going in and ordering my own stuff, and handing the cashier money, is something i fear doing. it’s a fear, because of my social anxiety. today, i faced that fear.

i went in with my mom and sister. my sister got her lottery tickets first, and then it was my turn. i told the cashier, i’d like 5 $1 lottery tickets, and i then handed the cashier the money, and i said “thank you”

it’s interaction like that, that i want to work on. i even made eye contact, and i didn’t experience any anxiety. it went well.

i gained some confidence today. today’s been going really well.

i can’t wait until my next opportunity to interact with people i don’t know.