Last week marked 3 months since Shelby’s been gone.  i’ve gotten the toxicology report, so she definitely had too much in her system, in the way of drugs (opiods).   Still waiting for the autopsy report, which could still take several more months.  i also found out that after all the head games and crap that he’s dished out, my ex had a get-together at the home, the evening he brought Shelby’s ashes home.  Maybe a few people can heal some….  i dunno.

 In speaking with the ‘sperm donor,’ i’m learning more about the situation–and i can’t say that i like it.  i had a feeling he was the one who’d initially helped her get started on using, and evidently, that’s true.  He told me he didn’t “stop” until the day she died.  Now, i don’t know if i can believe him or not.  i mean, i know he does weed, and if that’s all he does, fine.  But, if i find out there’s more….UUUGGGHHHH!!!        

Right now, as has been the case since, i’m still having sleep issues–which is nothing new for me, but just a bit multiplied, now.   When i really can’t function, i’ll take something to help me sleep at least four hours….But, for now, mostly, it’s maybe a couple hours at a time.  Just gotta keep on trying to move forward, i guess.  

i dunno about anything the future has in store for me–or anyone else, for that matter.  i just know that this stalled-out situation that never seems to get anything accomplished has to change.  If it doesn’t, i fear the inevitable…*sigh

Please, love your children.  Listen to them.  Parent them and be there for them.  Take care’a yourselves.  You ALL matter!!!