Where to begin, A few years ago I was a member of Depression Tribe. I\'ve decided to return to Tribe.com, as I am coming to terms with fact that I have been suffering from anxiety. I guess its alway\'s been there.. and I shouldn\'t be suprised that I have it, I guess its only normal after everything thats happened. Its great right.. that i\'m coming to terms with this terrible condition, then why do I feel so sad? I feel like i\'ve lost so much of myself to depression and anxiety. The medications that I took on and off, the talking and the fight to get better.. I feel like a lesser version of myself. I don\'t like, what I see in the mirror, I see a different person, my anxiety is so bad, that I can\'t eat very much, i\'m loosing weight, my hairs starting to fall out. Does this make sense? sorry.. this is the first time i\'m really talking about how it feels.. I know I shouldn\'t be.. but I am ashamed.. that I can\'t just snap out of it, and get on with work, like everyone else.
A few days ago I started having my first panic attacks, and today, a numbness swept over my head and my fingers tingled.
I really don\'t know what to do, do I stay at work? shall I leave and have a few months off? should I take on less reponsibilities? I just don\'t know.
All I know is.. I try and sleep as much as I can… becasue at least that way, I won\'t have to worry about facing the world the next day. When the next day arrives, I start to feel unwell, sick with stomach cramps.. and all before i\'ve even got out of bed.
Meh 🙁
I think i might understand the sad feeling. One of my counsellors sued to tell me to grieve for my lost, the lost of my childhood and so much of my life. I think that might be it. Every time we think about our anxiety we realise that we have a hard life ahead and we have already lost so much, and that is a pretty sad fact to accept.
Still though, I\'m glad you\'re here. I think we\'re all glad that you\'re here and helping yourself and others..
Thanks for your comments, yes I guess i\'m sleeping a lot, as it helps me escape for a few hours. I\'m not taking any medication or receiving any treatment.. I am seeing my doctor next week… so till then, sleeping is my \'treatment\' well it helps me cope to an extent.
That\'s a good point, I have never grieved for those parts of my life that I lost or never got to experience.