I am new here and am surprised I am writing this. I have been dealing with depression for what seems to be forever. I have taken a few different anti-depressants over the years and all eventually stop working. It seems the older I get the worse the depression is getting. I can hardly get myself to do anything anymore. Work is getting harder to go to and I have lost almost all my friends. I have become a hermit. How did this ever happen? The friends I do have barely know anything is wrong with me. I have become so good at hiding it they can’t tell. The people that do know say they understand what I am going through but they have no clue at all. But at some point I am sure I will lose them as well. I am also good at shutting people out which is why I last the other friends I had. One thing that I think pushed this depression further was the lose of my Mom to lung cancer this year. I have two older brothers but after she died I felt like I was all alone. It was always my mom, dad and me since my brothers were so much older than me. Then after my dad died it was me and my mom. Now it’s just me. What do I do now? I have no one to turn to; I hold everything in and have no idea how to let it out. I can’t talk to anyone because they just don’t get it. I am always faking how I feel so no one knows yet all I want is help. This is so crazy to me that I can’t ask for help. I am always the one asking people I know if they are ok and am willing to listen and help but that is the one thing I can’t do for myself. How crazy is that? Sorry for rambling on. I still can’t believe I am writing this. I can barley get myself to check my e-mail let only write something like this. See ya later